You know there are a lot of benefits to being a young mom, you are young and not tired all the time. You can still be a kid and run around with your kids and act a fool. You still can giggle like a school girl when you have a quickie in the bathroom with your daughter yelling what are you doing in there mommy? Is daddy watching you poop? hahahahahaha!
But there are down falls and I did not realize it until Ky started dance class and then started preschool last year.
You see a lot of the parents are in their late 30's early 40's and I of course am not I am a mere 26 got knocked up at 20 and again at 25.
We started the Mommy and me Class called Dancing Gym Bears, it was 30 minutes of tumbling and 30 minutes of ballet with mommy's assistance. Thank the lord for my one friend who decided to get knocked up three months after me and just so happened to have a girl, quite frankly Tracy I wanna go all I LOVE U MAN on you, with tears in my eyes because I am so happy we are bff and so are our girls.
I noticed most of the parents were stuck up, most had more money than me of course and lived in huge 4000 square foot houses and only shopped for their daughter clothes at little boutiques! Now don't get me wrong I like boutique's but Walmart and Target are also just fine, and I am all about FREE hand me downs. I know that I am secretly a GYMBUCKS junkie I love gymboree and Ky has most of the outfits that the Gosslin's have of course I paid and they got them for free, okay now that I have gone off on another tangent.
Anyways, most of the parents I think look down on me, well that is how I felt anyways. The only person that would talk to me besides the teacher and my own kid is my friend Tracy. After the last two years of it I have gotten used to it. I tried to volunteer more and be more talkative. It has gotten better over the last year, and then came Preschool where because my friend lives like in another region of the state LOL I have no one. I was all alone in the mommy world and GOD FORBID the fact that I am a working mom.
They ignored me the whole year, none of the mom's ever talked to me, occasionally I would get a hello but that was it. I was although the topic of coversation when my son was born 3 mths premature. I would get the sad puppy dog eyes. "Oh I hope it all works out for you and is it your boyfried" No my husband FUCKER and I bet he get harder faster than yours and does NOT have to use viagra.
The last occasion was a ice cream social which I dreaded because #1 hubby could not come to keep me gossiping and #2 I had to take the little man. So I sent Ky off to play with the other kids while I watched and I fed the baby.
I am then approached by another mom and the conversation goes something like this.
Other Mom: Congrats I heard you are preggo and having a girl
Me: Thinking what the FUCK : Says: Um no I am not preggo I have a 7th month old.
Other Mom: oh well Ky told me and the other mom's that you were having another baby and it was a sister.
Me: well I am sorry but I am not I give a little fake laugh as she walks away and whispers to the other moms.
Now I know I am overweight but I don't look preggo and I am NOT for sure. Leave it to my daughter it is not like it is bad enough how I feel when I go to these things and sit there having a conversation with my 7mth old now my kid is starting the rumors. Lord Help Me!
Thursday, August 20, 2009
I am moving out
So the other day my husband says to me.. You know I think I am going to move out once Ky hits the teenage years. I started to laugh and asked him why. He said that she is almost 5 and acts like she is 12 now what the hell is it gonna be like when she is 13 and acts 25 I am gonna go nuts.
He thinks he is freakin mr knows everything about everything sometimes I swear to God! Maybe it is all men though. Yesterday we had the argument about reading. We will go to the book store and he will buy usually a book sometimes two. I will do the same. I will usually complete the entire book in about a week sometimes less depending on what kind of time I have. He will finish half in like 2 months then not read it for like 5 months and go back to it and have to re-read it from the beginning.
So I asked him because we have very different taste in books.
I do read a variety of books... Some authors include Nicholas Sparks, Sue Grafton, James Patterson, Johnathan Kellerman, I also read some non-fiction Stephanie Wilder-Taylor, Tori Spelling's books, Jenny Mcarthy
He on the other had is reading currently the history of God and although I was born and raised Catholic I had all of that shoved down my throat with all the years I went to private school I really don't think there is anything else for me to know about. Nor do I really have an interest in any other kinds of God's and what other religions believe in. And don't get me wrong there is nothing wrong with that it is just not me that's all.
He also is reading a classic book Paradise Lost. First of all I can't understand it I read one page and was like I don't get it. It is written kind of like a Shakespeare book which I listened to on tape in high school to pass English class... The book from my understanding is about a man who gets kicked out of heaven, it has a lot of big words which are not really my thing.
My husband says to me this is a classic how could you not like it. I said well I did not care for Huck Finn or Macbeth. I do although like some classics Of Mice and Men, Night, Diary of Ann Frank.
He responds with well those are chick books. He started saying that way back when the books that were written were for men only... okay whatever he thinks I read mindless tails of stories that would never happen. I told him to leave me alone that as I was reading my book and that it did not matter what I read it is better than watching FUCKIN Sponge Bob for the 9,125,236 time this week.
Now he thinks Xander needs baby Einstein for brain stimulation. Okay great cause you have raised 5 other kids and know exactly what you are talking about. I then kindly reminded him this is really his first experience with the Whole First Year thing as he was deployed until Ky was 15 months.
He thinks he is freakin mr knows everything about everything sometimes I swear to God! Maybe it is all men though. Yesterday we had the argument about reading. We will go to the book store and he will buy usually a book sometimes two. I will do the same. I will usually complete the entire book in about a week sometimes less depending on what kind of time I have. He will finish half in like 2 months then not read it for like 5 months and go back to it and have to re-read it from the beginning.
So I asked him because we have very different taste in books.
I do read a variety of books... Some authors include Nicholas Sparks, Sue Grafton, James Patterson, Johnathan Kellerman, I also read some non-fiction Stephanie Wilder-Taylor, Tori Spelling's books, Jenny Mcarthy
He on the other had is reading currently the history of God and although I was born and raised Catholic I had all of that shoved down my throat with all the years I went to private school I really don't think there is anything else for me to know about. Nor do I really have an interest in any other kinds of God's and what other religions believe in. And don't get me wrong there is nothing wrong with that it is just not me that's all.
He also is reading a classic book Paradise Lost. First of all I can't understand it I read one page and was like I don't get it. It is written kind of like a Shakespeare book which I listened to on tape in high school to pass English class... The book from my understanding is about a man who gets kicked out of heaven, it has a lot of big words which are not really my thing.
My husband says to me this is a classic how could you not like it. I said well I did not care for Huck Finn or Macbeth. I do although like some classics Of Mice and Men, Night, Diary of Ann Frank.
He responds with well those are chick books. He started saying that way back when the books that were written were for men only... okay whatever he thinks I read mindless tails of stories that would never happen. I told him to leave me alone that as I was reading my book and that it did not matter what I read it is better than watching FUCKIN Sponge Bob for the 9,125,236 time this week.
Now he thinks Xander needs baby Einstein for brain stimulation. Okay great cause you have raised 5 other kids and know exactly what you are talking about. I then kindly reminded him this is really his first experience with the Whole First Year thing as he was deployed until Ky was 15 months.
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
Birth Control
I moved to GA in April of 2004 my and the hubby were living together and because for the last 2 or so years are visits were few and far between we fucked like rabbits.
Needless to say I was on the BC pill and was also taking some meds for being sick NOT A GOOD IDEA
I was preggo within the first week of being down there. I basically felt different a different I could not put my finger or it was almost like I was in someone elses body. I was throwing up everything I ate and had quit smoking cause everytime I would inhale I would gag.
Stupid stupid me thought it was God's way of telling me I needed to quit, boy was I wrong in so many ways. So what is the one thing you do when you don't know what to do? Call your mom
I called mom she said it sounds like a pregnancy and to go and take a test. So because I thought it was going to be negative I figured I would not tell anyone I was taking the test.
I went into the bathroom and before the piss even hit the stick there were 2 pink lines. I started to cry not because I was preggo because I knew Ben would be deploying and would miss a lot, I was scared wondering if I should give the baby up for fear I would not be a good mother. Within minutes I talked myself out of that walked out of the bathroom and told the B-man
He laughed, he laughed and laughed some more. He said that the test was prolly wrong and he laughed. I never understood why he laughed but he sure didn't the next day at the doctor when the nurse said well did you get a positive test I said yes he said well sometimes those are wrong right.
And she laughed and laughed, I then came out with the offical Welcome to Motherhood packet and a due date of Jan 15th.
Ready or Not here she comes....
Needless to say I was on the BC pill and was also taking some meds for being sick NOT A GOOD IDEA
I was preggo within the first week of being down there. I basically felt different a different I could not put my finger or it was almost like I was in someone elses body. I was throwing up everything I ate and had quit smoking cause everytime I would inhale I would gag.
Stupid stupid me thought it was God's way of telling me I needed to quit, boy was I wrong in so many ways. So what is the one thing you do when you don't know what to do? Call your mom
I called mom she said it sounds like a pregnancy and to go and take a test. So because I thought it was going to be negative I figured I would not tell anyone I was taking the test.
I went into the bathroom and before the piss even hit the stick there were 2 pink lines. I started to cry not because I was preggo because I knew Ben would be deploying and would miss a lot, I was scared wondering if I should give the baby up for fear I would not be a good mother. Within minutes I talked myself out of that walked out of the bathroom and told the B-man
He laughed, he laughed and laughed some more. He said that the test was prolly wrong and he laughed. I never understood why he laughed but he sure didn't the next day at the doctor when the nurse said well did you get a positive test I said yes he said well sometimes those are wrong right.
And she laughed and laughed, I then came out with the offical Welcome to Motherhood packet and a due date of Jan 15th.
Ready or Not here she comes....
Monday, August 17, 2009
Part 2
So we talked every day sometimes more than once. I decided to make a road trip down south I just had to see him one last time.
I started to think about what I was going to do or say. If we even wanted to try and have a long distance relationship while he was away.
We talked that I would make the trip as it was a 5 hour drive I took 2 friends. I figured they could hang out at what happened to be the most boring town in the universe! And then B and I could hang out.
So off we went on the 245 mile road trip to the little town where he is from. We got about 30 minutes outside the town and I started to get nervous butterflies flying around in my tummy so bad.... I asked my friend to pull over and I started to vomit all over the place. I could not believe this was happening. I am such a dummy I am sick to my stomach over a guy, is this a good thing or is this a bad thing?
We had the most amazing weekend I cried so hard when he had to leave because I knew that it would be a long time before I saw him again.
After many long nights of phone chats we agreed that we really liked each other and were falling for each other. We officially started dating with the promise that if there was ever someone else we would be honest and end the relationship for fear of tears and broken hearts.
He leaves for boot camp at Ft. Knox, KY
We made it through 2 deployments to Iraq, 3 years living miles and miles apart, so many tears, so many nights alone.
We made it and now in Oct we will be married for 5 years with two children, a dog, and a fence it may not be white but we have a fence
I love my husband and although our lives are crazy and it seems at times we don't have time for each other I will always love him from here to heaven and back.
I started to think about what I was going to do or say. If we even wanted to try and have a long distance relationship while he was away.
We talked that I would make the trip as it was a 5 hour drive I took 2 friends. I figured they could hang out at what happened to be the most boring town in the universe! And then B and I could hang out.
So off we went on the 245 mile road trip to the little town where he is from. We got about 30 minutes outside the town and I started to get nervous butterflies flying around in my tummy so bad.... I asked my friend to pull over and I started to vomit all over the place. I could not believe this was happening. I am such a dummy I am sick to my stomach over a guy, is this a good thing or is this a bad thing?
We had the most amazing weekend I cried so hard when he had to leave because I knew that it would be a long time before I saw him again.
After many long nights of phone chats we agreed that we really liked each other and were falling for each other. We officially started dating with the promise that if there was ever someone else we would be honest and end the relationship for fear of tears and broken hearts.
He leaves for boot camp at Ft. Knox, KY
We made it through 2 deployments to Iraq, 3 years living miles and miles apart, so many tears, so many nights alone.
We made it and now in Oct we will be married for 5 years with two children, a dog, and a fence it may not be white but we have a fence
I love my husband and although our lives are crazy and it seems at times we don't have time for each other I will always love him from here to heaven and back.
Its a Love Story...
So I have so many stories I love telling stories. Some are funny and some are sad...
So As you know I was a military girlfriend first and then a wife....
We met in Oct of 2000 on a blind date I worked with his sister at my first "real job" and she insisted that we meet for months I finally gave in and met him out for pizza. He did not say a word to me but hello, he laughed at my jokes and that was it.
I remember going home and thinking well if it is meant to be it will be I am not going to stalk him although he was hot and I wanted too.
The following Monday I get an email from him we started emailing, then it came to talking, then the next thing I knew I was going to see him.
We knew that he was going off to boot camp in January but I wanted to spend as much time with him as I could.
In Nov he came up to visit his sister before their trip to Mexico. I spent 4 of the most amazing days with him, they left at 2am in the morning and I left him at 1:45... I remember wishing that we would see each other one more time before he left to go back down south. He came back from vacation with GIFTS I remember thinking wow gifts already
We met in the city and had a romantic evening of dinner, drinks, and a stroll. Even though the gifts were small they meant so much to me.
He bought me a paperweight, a purple fish- He said because purple was my fav color
He bought me a bottle with sand- he said because the whole time he sat on the beach that is all he could think about was me.
He is so romantic... I thought while thinking in the back of my head.
"Why am I doing this to myself he is leaving for the Army and is enlisted for 4 fucking years...
I cried the entire train ride home I was falling for him and really fast... I cried till I was asleep so deep in dreaming about him that I missed the fuckin stop. I had to call my mom and ask the train people if they would be so kind as to turn around and then did...
Stay tuned for more of the story
So As you know I was a military girlfriend first and then a wife....
We met in Oct of 2000 on a blind date I worked with his sister at my first "real job" and she insisted that we meet for months I finally gave in and met him out for pizza. He did not say a word to me but hello, he laughed at my jokes and that was it.
I remember going home and thinking well if it is meant to be it will be I am not going to stalk him although he was hot and I wanted too.
The following Monday I get an email from him we started emailing, then it came to talking, then the next thing I knew I was going to see him.
We knew that he was going off to boot camp in January but I wanted to spend as much time with him as I could.
In Nov he came up to visit his sister before their trip to Mexico. I spent 4 of the most amazing days with him, they left at 2am in the morning and I left him at 1:45... I remember wishing that we would see each other one more time before he left to go back down south. He came back from vacation with GIFTS I remember thinking wow gifts already
We met in the city and had a romantic evening of dinner, drinks, and a stroll. Even though the gifts were small they meant so much to me.
He bought me a paperweight, a purple fish- He said because purple was my fav color
He bought me a bottle with sand- he said because the whole time he sat on the beach that is all he could think about was me.
He is so romantic... I thought while thinking in the back of my head.
"Why am I doing this to myself he is leaving for the Army and is enlisted for 4 fucking years...
I cried the entire train ride home I was falling for him and really fast... I cried till I was asleep so deep in dreaming about him that I missed the fuckin stop. I had to call my mom and ask the train people if they would be so kind as to turn around and then did...
Stay tuned for more of the story
Cops
So my hubby watches cops alot on TV when he comes home from work. My daughter apparently has been watching it with him.
I have now banned her from watching cops... The other day she was laying on my bed with her hands behind her back so I ask "Ky what are you trying to hide"?
Ky" I am not hiding anything I am getting arrested for battery"
Me " WHAT?"
Ky " Yeah like on cops"
me "Um lets not do that okay"
So this past weekend we went to an amusement park and on the way home we get pulled over... my moms bf was driving.
Ky "whats going on with that cop behind us"
Hubbs "well we are getting pulled over"
Ky "oh and jerry is going to jail"
Me " No"
Ky " Well you see he is gonna have to get out of the car and put his hand on the hood of the car and they the cop is gonna say put your hands behind your back and he is going to jail"
It took about 10 minutes to get her to understand that he was not going to jail and he was just speeding.
I have already warned the hubby if she watches cops anymore no sex for a week!
I have now banned her from watching cops... The other day she was laying on my bed with her hands behind her back so I ask "Ky what are you trying to hide"?
Ky" I am not hiding anything I am getting arrested for battery"
Me " WHAT?"
Ky " Yeah like on cops"
me "Um lets not do that okay"
So this past weekend we went to an amusement park and on the way home we get pulled over... my moms bf was driving.
Ky "whats going on with that cop behind us"
Hubbs "well we are getting pulled over"
Ky "oh and jerry is going to jail"
Me " No"
Ky " Well you see he is gonna have to get out of the car and put his hand on the hood of the car and they the cop is gonna say put your hands behind your back and he is going to jail"
It took about 10 minutes to get her to understand that he was not going to jail and he was just speeding.
I have already warned the hubby if she watches cops anymore no sex for a week!
When I was a Nanny
Well I am not sure if you would call it a nanny, but I watched kids all the time in my early jr-high highschool years.
It was a family of four the oldest at the time was 10 and the youngest an infant. The two in the middle were 4 and 5, 2 girls and 2 boys.....
The youngest baby girl I watched her from the day she came home until I moved away and she was about 4 at the time. I loved her too pieces and she loved me just as much. If I was around she would not go to anyone else but me.
I remember her first birthday party she would not leave me at all I had to sit her on my lap and do her smash cake, no one could hold her. She was the cutest thing ever, I loved her and her brothers and sister so much.
I went to on vacations with them, Disney, Wisconsin, the city... I had such fun there were so many times where I wanted to pull my hair out...
One year when dad had to work and mom wanted to go shopping the day after thanksgiviing. I watched no only the 4 I usually had but some other family members kids. It was a zooo I had about 8 kids all under one roof in the winter with no where to go, I had started at 6am.. and by 7pm when they still were not home I locked me and the 2 babies in the bathroom I could not take it any more LOL I put the babies in the tub to play, I needed a break.
I have so many memories with them, I would take the girls and we would have sleepovers at my house. I remember one sleep over after I had my daughter but she was only 3 mths after we put her to bed, we were sliding down the stairs on tupperware lids we had a blast. Or I would let the girls stay up late we would do are hair and nails..
I don't really see them anymore as they are all grown up now. Old enough to watch my lil ones, I ran into the mom and the 2 youngest girls one is 14 and the baby is 10. I cried I am not gonna lie I can't believe that time goes by so fast and that they are all grown up. One on her way to highschool, very pretty popular with all the boys.. I don't want my kids to grow up I wish they would stay little forever....
It was a family of four the oldest at the time was 10 and the youngest an infant. The two in the middle were 4 and 5, 2 girls and 2 boys.....
The youngest baby girl I watched her from the day she came home until I moved away and she was about 4 at the time. I loved her too pieces and she loved me just as much. If I was around she would not go to anyone else but me.
I remember her first birthday party she would not leave me at all I had to sit her on my lap and do her smash cake, no one could hold her. She was the cutest thing ever, I loved her and her brothers and sister so much.
I went to on vacations with them, Disney, Wisconsin, the city... I had such fun there were so many times where I wanted to pull my hair out...
One year when dad had to work and mom wanted to go shopping the day after thanksgiviing. I watched no only the 4 I usually had but some other family members kids. It was a zooo I had about 8 kids all under one roof in the winter with no where to go, I had started at 6am.. and by 7pm when they still were not home I locked me and the 2 babies in the bathroom I could not take it any more LOL I put the babies in the tub to play, I needed a break.
I have so many memories with them, I would take the girls and we would have sleepovers at my house. I remember one sleep over after I had my daughter but she was only 3 mths after we put her to bed, we were sliding down the stairs on tupperware lids we had a blast. Or I would let the girls stay up late we would do are hair and nails..
I don't really see them anymore as they are all grown up now. Old enough to watch my lil ones, I ran into the mom and the 2 youngest girls one is 14 and the baby is 10. I cried I am not gonna lie I can't believe that time goes by so fast and that they are all grown up. One on her way to highschool, very pretty popular with all the boys.. I don't want my kids to grow up I wish they would stay little forever....
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
Complaints...
I know these last posts are sad and that is not like me but that is how I have been feeling...
I just feel like in my short life I have been through so much already, and I know I should not complain cause I am blessed with a lot of things in my life, but I am gonna complain and if you don't want to read it then don't!
I have lost so many loved ones it is still hard when I think about it. Most people don't have to go through these things until they are older and they understand but it all started when I was ten.
Deaths, deployments, preemie, cancer.... and I am still only 26
In this past year Ben has lost 3 friends. One in a helicopter crash, one to brain cancer, one who took his own life.
So my question is if were sick and your family knew you were sick and then you found out that it was worse...
Or there was more, you were told that your days were numbered?
Would you tell your family?
or
Would you keep it to yourself?
I would tell my family after many conversations with my hubby we both agreed we would never keep anything like that from each other EVER.
I just feel like in my short life I have been through so much already, and I know I should not complain cause I am blessed with a lot of things in my life, but I am gonna complain and if you don't want to read it then don't!
I have lost so many loved ones it is still hard when I think about it. Most people don't have to go through these things until they are older and they understand but it all started when I was ten.
Deaths, deployments, preemie, cancer.... and I am still only 26
In this past year Ben has lost 3 friends. One in a helicopter crash, one to brain cancer, one who took his own life.
So my question is if were sick and your family knew you were sick and then you found out that it was worse...
Or there was more, you were told that your days were numbered?
Would you tell your family?
or
Would you keep it to yourself?
I would tell my family after many conversations with my hubby we both agreed we would never keep anything like that from each other EVER.
Rough Week
It's Hump day and this week has been rough. I still have not figured out why bad things always happen to great people.... I don't understand and I often wonder how they can basically create another human being in a pietry dish but we still can't cure cancer. I have walked in the Relay for Life I have given donations to find a cure and for research and still nothing.
I wish there was something in times like this when you have to see someone and know these may be the last words you say to them? Is that kiss going to be the last one you feel touch your lips? When you see the look on your mothers face as she hears the words "it is all over now the cancer has spread to the brain" this is her best friend the person she calls every day... the person she goes to when she needs to make sure the decision is right. The person who raised her kids when she was working. Who hugged her when she needed one, laughed, cried, got in trouble.
They have enjoyed grand kids together and picnics at the beach.... It is hard for me too this person is someone who I grew up with... I spent my entire youth with her and her kids even in high school I would go over there and play cards and just talk to her.
I need to be strong (for her kids) my other brothers and sisters. Going through this makes me realize that sometimes in your life "your friends" are closer than some of your family. I need to be strong for mom as this is going to be like losing a sister.
But sometimes I feel weak, when my mom sobs and sobs it is so hard to see her so sad. My mom is a very happy person even if she is having a bad day she still can put a smile on and be happy. But now she is sad, she did spent the night at the hospital last night with her friend. It was just the two of them my mom called this morning and you could hear how happy she was that if that was the last night she remembered my mom that would be okay.
She has 3 massive tumors in her brain she has come out of the coma but it will be a day to day thing now. The months to come are going to be hard, as we celebrate her life and the last days we have with her it is still gonna be hard. My life is not going to be the same without her she is like my other mom.
I don't want to do this.....
I wish there was something in times like this when you have to see someone and know these may be the last words you say to them? Is that kiss going to be the last one you feel touch your lips? When you see the look on your mothers face as she hears the words "it is all over now the cancer has spread to the brain" this is her best friend the person she calls every day... the person she goes to when she needs to make sure the decision is right. The person who raised her kids when she was working. Who hugged her when she needed one, laughed, cried, got in trouble.
They have enjoyed grand kids together and picnics at the beach.... It is hard for me too this person is someone who I grew up with... I spent my entire youth with her and her kids even in high school I would go over there and play cards and just talk to her.
I need to be strong (for her kids) my other brothers and sisters. Going through this makes me realize that sometimes in your life "your friends" are closer than some of your family. I need to be strong for mom as this is going to be like losing a sister.
But sometimes I feel weak, when my mom sobs and sobs it is so hard to see her so sad. My mom is a very happy person even if she is having a bad day she still can put a smile on and be happy. But now she is sad, she did spent the night at the hospital last night with her friend. It was just the two of them my mom called this morning and you could hear how happy she was that if that was the last night she remembered my mom that would be okay.
She has 3 massive tumors in her brain she has come out of the coma but it will be a day to day thing now. The months to come are going to be hard, as we celebrate her life and the last days we have with her it is still gonna be hard. My life is not going to be the same without her she is like my other mom.
I don't want to do this.....
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