It bothers me damnit...

So my mom had 5 sisters one passed away in her 30's after battling cancer for over 10 years she had 4 children. She had them very young and they were are a little older than me. I always liked when they would come for holidays (that's when they only came out here) they lived in a small town a state over which was about a 2 hour drive.

We would go and visit them about once year they followed their religious beliefs very close and they did not have a TV of any kid of electronics at their home. I give her so much credit she raised 4 children one of which was very handicapped and need 24/7 care and required everything to be done for him.

She took care of him even when she could barely care for herself. Okay I will write another post on valentines day about how awesome she was.

Anyways after she passed away her kids were distant I was young and didn't understand too much of the hurt feelings my family had in regards to them. I assume when her eldest son showed up late to his own mothers funeral that did not hem well with the aunties.

I remember my grandparents being in a fog so I think they didn't realize much of what was happening for years I begged my family to forgive them and open their arms to them and let them come around again. My aunts daughter had a baby when I was a senior in high school and ended up moving close to me. I spent a lot of time hanging out with her and babysitting. I had my own daughter a few years later and our relationship continued to grow

Meanwhile I was hanging out with her sister in law and her brother my other 2 cousins. Then all of a sudden things got weird my cousin got married and no one was invited to the wedding, then he had a baby around the time when I had my middle son and I to this day have not met her she will be 3 in March the worst part is neither have my grandparents.

Just recently my cousin had a birthday party for her 2 youngest kids. I had no idea about the party and I have been trying to contact her for months. I had a baby 6 months ago and got nothing not even a congrats on FB. What hurt the most is when she blasted photos of the kids birthday bash on Facebook with at least 60 people and nothing. I got bold and sent her an email telling her that I was hurt my kids and I were not invited. She said she forgot to invite me. FORGOT HER FAMILY she said she has been working 40 hours a week and has 3 kids.

OKAY same exact thing I have going on I work 40 plus hours a week and have 3 children of my own one being a infant. I want to let it go. I want to cut ties but I just can't because I have no closure and I don't understand why? What did We do to them? I think they owe us an explanation I texted her the other day for her birthday and she didn't even say thank you.

I need to know how to move on how to not care? I think about it and it makes me so very mad because I just don't get why?

Decade Friend..

So I realized the other day while I was in the bathroom at work that I have known my friend Kelle and been friends with her for over a decade thats a long damn time if you ask me.

Hot Dang! Today was a shitty day to say the least but I always love coming home and being greeted by the littles always puts a smile on my face when I remember why it is that I go to the office every day.

I got to chit chat with Kelle today for a half hour and I also got to play hang man NO not hanging with friends actual hang man on paper with my seven year old. I won her word and she lost mine

The B man is at urgent care for a bad back home his back gets better and his mood improves :/ Well off to PINTEREST for a bit and then bed

TTFN

Who Ever Said Growing up was easy ?

I don't think I can count on one hand how many times I have seen my dad cry in my 28 years.
I saw him cry just recently when a good friend of his past away, I did not know how in the matter of 2 weeks he was visiting the doctor for a cold which turned into a complete physical which 3 days before Christmas we got the news.

Cancer.... When I arrived at the appointment I was late and he was already back there. He told me not to come because "it is what it is" Whether I was there or not was not going to change anything. But I knew I had to be there. I knew he prob felt so alone getting that news and that broke my heart. He came out and I said what happened dad what did they say?

They said I have Cancer and that is all I heard. He handed me a piece of paper which laid out where it was and how much there was. He was crying so hard he could barely talk. "they said I need to go and have more tests ran to see if it has spread"

I stood there in the damp parking lot and hugged him I told him it would be okay and that we would get through this, It was been short of an emotional roller coaster. Between my aunt having it then Grandpa's coming back but really my dad I did not know what to do or how to feel .

He has the surgery on Jan 27th to remove the tumors it was a success and he is currently in remission. I can not thank God enough for what he has done to help me through this, I have put a lot aside including my kids birthday parties and friends phone calls.

I need to be there for Dad and I was I love him so much and after all the times he tucked me in at night and told me it was going to be okay it was my turn. I stayed with him that is where I needed to be,

He is recovering very nicely and the out pouring of love that has been shown to him by the people he has touched throughout his life. He has had meals brought to him for the last 2 weeks. People have taken him out and even my mother his ex wife has went to visit him every day since he has been home.

I love you dad more than anything and F*ck You Cancer we got this,
This is me and my Dad at our First Father Daughter Dance I will always be his princess.

2012 ...

I am starting this blog over in hope that I will be a better blogger I want to try and blog at least 4 to 5 times a week I think it will help me,

Ever since I had my 3rd and final baby on aug 17th I have been so busy with a school aged daughter that is wise beyond her years my middle child starting preschool prep this year and a new baby to which I spend a majority of my time being a food source and or pumping liquid gold.

All the while trying to make sure the other two kids are given attention and at the same time remembering I still need to make time for romance with my husband and oh yah working 40 hours a week.

So days I only sleep from 10pm to 1am and then I spend the rest of the early wee hours feeding a little sweet boy every hour.

I tell myself that I want to make sure to cherish this time and make these memories because I know soon it will be gone as I can't believe that my baby girl who I rang in the new year with back in 2004 is 7 years old I remember when I had her everything about it who was all there celebrating her first birthday to her first steps to walking her into kindergarten last year and making everyone in parking lot cry along with. While I heard that little 5 year old voice say "its okay mom I will try and not get older" Sigh...

I want to write not only for me but for my kids because I know that as I get older I wont remember everything and I want to have it somewhere.

So as i sit here with the Superbowl on the TV listening to Madonna sing like a virgin. The baby is starting to fuss and its time for us to have our time so I must say so long for now but will be back tomorrow with okay gotta run my son is eating paper....

Oh boys

I know I know....

I am sucking at being a blogger...


It has been so hectic and I am in the home stretch with this pregnancy and everything is going so well right now. Had a 3 day weekend last weekend. And then..


I fell on the 4th of July on the side of my stomach and part of the chair fell on top of me. And I freaked OUT I hit my head too and did have some mild issues there but my concern was the baby who is perfectly fine!

Although I did find out my iron levels are extremely LOW no wonder I have ZERO energy. BUT before the BIG FALL of 2011 We got everything ready for baby Luca!

The crib is set up minus the bedding I have not found yet. The bassinet is in our room and the rocking chair. The boppy is out he has clean clothes from his brother Xander... I just feel ready now like I am not running around with nothing done.

My hubby took a 3 week break from Clinical's because I needed the help I am so not looking forward to the last 3 weeks of pregnancy alone with the kids that's going to be interesting to say the least.

Aug 22 is the date we will meet our baby I don't think I am ready really because the whole pregnancy I have been kind of not ready BUT now it is almost like I am not really ready but I am excited and I can't wait to have a new born again. Am I nuts? A lovely terrible 2 very active boy and a new born with my 7 year old BIG helper going back to school YEAH I hope mom helps me.

Not sure what to say...

This week has been a whirlwind of things... its like one thing after another and I told myself that it would all work out and to not stress.. I did what I told myself I was going to do and it did all work out but now I am tired... and overly emotional for no reason except for being pregnant.

I am tired of the way people treat others.. What ever happened to the saying my Grandma used to say " treat others as you want to be treated" did someone forget that or do they just not care anymore?

On top of the fact that I hate how fake people are for example my husbands family... no one has really asked or cared about my pregnancy since we announced it... But yet when I have the baby they will all be here or at the hospital acting like they are wonderful people.. Guess what I am no longer going to be nice.

People at work they act so sweet to your face and they are the first ones to stab you in the back!

My babysitter quit her last day is July 1 and my mom lost her job and she will get paid to July 1 so it all worked out at least for the summer.

I have another sitter lined up if my mom finds a job after my leave from the baby. I don't want to spend my weekends alone anymore but Ben has a long way and 6 more months of this stupid class. Man I can't wait till it is over BUT at least I have my mom to help me now.

The Sick Story

• So I have been sick all week... and can't really take anything so I suffer.. and continue to suffer.



• I thought it was allergies now I have a cough and sore throat



• The kids got sick Wed night Kylie has had a cough for over a week and Xander started with a fever



• Woke up Thur morning for work and he is burning up no work for me.



• 6 scripts from the doctor... he ha strep? Like how does a 2 year old get strep? She has bronchitis sweeeet.



• I should not be complaining my kids have not been sick since before Xmas.



• I hope this is the last of it till winter...



• I have been getting up every 2 to 3 hours to check on him during the night with the fever and therefore have not slept in 3 nights.



• I get to wake up tomorrow at 6:30 to babysit I told a friend I would watch her kid while she had school every sat in June what was I thinking.



• I called this friend and told her that my kids were sick she said her kid was just sick so she won't catch it again.



• I give up with people. Therefore all plans for the weekend are gone as we have sick kiddos.



• Hopefully by Sunday night we are all better.



• Did I mention the hubby works all weekend also.

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