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Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Rough Week

It's Hump day and this week has been rough. I still have not figured out why bad things always happen to great people.... I don't understand and I often wonder how they can basically create another human being in a pietry dish but we still can't cure cancer. I have walked in the Relay for Life I have given donations to find a cure and for research and still nothing.

I wish there was something in times like this when you have to see someone and know these may be the last words you say to them? Is that kiss going to be the last one you feel touch your lips? When you see the look on your mothers face as she hears the words "it is all over now the cancer has spread to the brain" this is her best friend the person she calls every day... the person she goes to when she needs to make sure the decision is right. The person who raised her kids when she was working. Who hugged her when she needed one, laughed, cried, got in trouble.

They have enjoyed grand kids together and picnics at the beach.... It is hard for me too this person is someone who I grew up with... I spent my entire youth with her and her kids even in high school I would go over there and play cards and just talk to her.

I need to be strong (for her kids) my other brothers and sisters. Going through this makes me realize that sometimes in your life "your friends" are closer than some of your family. I need to be strong for mom as this is going to be like losing a sister.

But sometimes I feel weak, when my mom sobs and sobs it is so hard to see her so sad. My mom is a very happy person even if she is having a bad day she still can put a smile on and be happy. But now she is sad, she did spent the night at the hospital last night with her friend. It was just the two of them my mom called this morning and you could hear how happy she was that if that was the last night she remembered my mom that would be okay.

She has 3 massive tumors in her brain she has come out of the coma but it will be a day to day thing now. The months to come are going to be hard, as we celebrate her life and the last days we have with her it is still gonna be hard. My life is not going to be the same without her she is like my other mom.

I don't want to do this.....

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