The Happenings of a 20 Something Mom

It bothers me damnit...

2012-02-09T17:05:00.000-08:00

So my mom had 5 sisters one passed away in her 30's after battling cancer for over 10 years she had 4 children. She had them very young and they were are a little older than me. I always liked when they would come for holidays (that's when they only came out here) they lived in a small town a state over which was about a 2 hour drive.

We would go and visit them about once year they followed their religious beliefs very close and they did not have a TV of any kid of electronics at their home. I give her so much credit she raised 4 children one of which was very handicapped and need 24/7 care and required everything to be done for him.

She took care of him even when she could barely care for herself. Okay I will write another post on valentines day about how awesome she was.

Anyways after she passed away her kids were distant I was young and didn't understand too much of the hurt feelings my family had in regards to them. I assume when her eldest son showed up late to his own mothers funeral that did not hem well with the aunties.

I remember my grandparents being in a fog so I think they didn't realize much of what was happening for years I begged my family to forgive them and open their arms to them and let them come around again. My aunts daughter had a baby when I was a senior in high school and ended up moving close to me. I spent a lot of time hanging out with her and babysitting. I had my own daughter a few years later and our relationship continued to grow

Meanwhile I was hanging out with her sister in law and her brother my other 2 cousins. Then all of a sudden things got weird my cousin got married and no one was invited to the wedding, then he had a baby around the time when I had my middle son and I to this day have not met her she will be 3 in March the worst part is neither have my grandparents.

Just recently my cousin had a birthday party for her 2 youngest kids. I had no idea about the party and I have been trying to contact her for months. I had a baby 6 months ago and got nothing not even a congrats on FB. What hurt the most is when she blasted photos of the kids birthday bash on Facebook with at least 60 people and nothing. I got bold and sent her an email telling her that I was hurt my kids and I were not invited. She said she forgot to invite me. FORGOT HER FAMILY she said she has been working 40 hours a week and has 3 kids.

OKAY same exact thing I have going on I work 40 plus hours a week and have 3 children of my own one being a infant. I want to let it go. I want to cut ties but I just can't because I have no closure and I don't understand why? What did We do to them? I think they owe us an explanation I texted her the other day for her birthday and she didn't even say thank you.

I need to know how to move on how to not care? I think about it and it makes me so very mad because I just don't get why?

Decade Friend..

2012-02-08T19:56:00.001-08:00

So I realized the other day while I was in the bathroom at work that I have known my friend Kelle and been friends with her for over a decade thats a long damn time if you ask me.

Hot Dang! Today was a shitty day to say the least but I always love coming home and being greeted by the littles always puts a smile on my face when I remember why it is that I go to the office every day.

I got to chit chat with Kelle today for a half hour and I also got to play hang man NO not hanging with friends actual hang man on paper with my seven year old. I won her word and she lost mine

The B man is at urgent care for a bad back home his back gets better and his mood improves :/ Well off to PINTEREST for a bit and then bed

TTFN

Who Ever Said Growing up was easy ?

2012-02-06T19:35:00.000-08:00

I don't think I can count on one hand how many times I have seen my dad cry in my 28 years.
I saw him cry just recently when a good friend of his past away, I did not know how in the matter of 2 weeks he was visiting the doctor for a cold which turned into a complete physical which 3 days before Christmas we got the news.

Cancer.... When I arrived at the appointment I was late and he was already back there. He told me not to come because "it is what it is" Whether I was there or not was not going to change anything. But I knew I had to be there. I knew he prob felt so alone getting that news and that broke my heart. He came out and I said what happened dad what did they say?

They said I have Cancer and that is all I heard. He handed me a piece of paper which laid out where it was and how much there was. He was crying so hard he could barely talk. "they said I need to go and have more tests ran to see if it has spread"

I stood there in the damp parking lot and hugged him I told him it would be okay and that we would get through this, It was been short of an emotional roller coaster. Between my aunt having it then Grandpa's coming back but really my dad I did not know what to do or how to feel .

He has the surgery on Jan 27th to remove the tumors it was a success and he is currently in remission. I can not thank God enough for what he has done to help me through this, I have put a lot aside including my kids birthday parties and friends phone calls.

I need to be there for Dad and I was I love him so much and after all the times he tucked me in at night and told me it was going to be okay it was my turn. I stayed with him that is where I needed to be,

He is recovering very nicely and the out pouring of love that has been shown to him by the people he has touched throughout his life. He has had meals brought to him for the last 2 weeks. People have taken him out and even my mother his ex wife has went to visit him every day since he has been home.

I love you dad more than anything and F*ck You Cancer we got this,
This is me and my Dad at our First Father Daughter Dance I will always be his princess.

2012 ...

2012-02-05T17:10:00.001-08:00

I am starting this blog over in hope that I will be a better blogger I want to try and blog at least 4 to 5 times a week I think it will help me,

Ever since I had my 3rd and final baby on aug 17th I have been so busy with a school aged daughter that is wise beyond her years my middle child starting preschool prep this year and a new baby to which I spend a majority of my time being a food source and or pumping liquid gold.

All the while trying to make sure the other two kids are given attention and at the same time remembering I still need to make time for romance with my husband and oh yah working 40 hours a week.

So days I only sleep from 10pm to 1am and then I spend the rest of the early wee hours feeding a little sweet boy every hour.

I tell myself that I want to make sure to cherish this time and make these memories because I know soon it will be gone as I can't believe that my baby girl who I rang in the new year with back in 2004 is 7 years old I remember when I had her everything about it who was all there celebrating her first birthday to her first steps to walking her into kindergarten last year and making everyone in parking lot cry along with. While I heard that little 5 year old voice say "its okay mom I will try and not get older" Sigh...

I want to write not only for me but for my kids because I know that as I get older I wont remember everything and I want to have it somewhere.

So as i sit here with the Superbowl on the TV listening to Madonna sing like a virgin. The baby is starting to fuss and its time for us to have our time so I must say so long for now but will be back tomorrow with okay gotta run my son is eating paper....

Oh boys

I know I know....

2011-07-08T13:20:00.001-07:00

I am sucking at being a blogger...

It has been so hectic and I am in the home stretch with this pregnancy and everything is going so well right now. Had a 3 day weekend last weekend. And then..

I fell on the 4th of July on the side of my stomach and part of the chair fell on top of me. And I freaked OUT I hit my head too and did have some mild issues there but my concern was the baby who is perfectly fine!

Although I did find out my iron levels are extremely LOW no wonder I have ZERO energy. BUT before the BIG FALL of 2011 We got everything ready for baby Luca!

The crib is set up minus the bedding I have not found yet. The bassinet is in our room and the rocking chair. The boppy is out he has clean clothes from his brother Xander... I just feel ready now like I am not running around with nothing done.

My hubby took a 3 week break from Clinical's because I needed the help I am so not looking forward to the last 3 weeks of pregnancy alone with the kids that's going to be interesting to say the least.

Aug 22 is the date we will meet our baby I don't think I am ready really because the whole pregnancy I have been kind of not ready BUT now it is almost like I am not really ready but I am excited and I can't wait to have a new born again. Am I nuts? A lovely terrible 2 very active boy and a new born with my 7 year old BIG helper going back to school YEAH I hope mom helps me.

Not sure what to say...

2011-06-09T11:06:00.000-07:00

This week has been a whirlwind of things... its like one thing after another and I told myself that it would all work out and to not stress.. I did what I told myself I was going to do and it did all work out but now I am tired... and overly emotional for no reason except for being pregnant.

I am tired of the way people treat others.. What ever happened to the saying my Grandma used to say " treat others as you want to be treated" did someone forget that or do they just not care anymore?

On top of the fact that I hate how fake people are for example my husbands family... no one has really asked or cared about my pregnancy since we announced it... But yet when I have the baby they will all be here or at the hospital acting like they are wonderful people.. Guess what I am no longer going to be nice.

People at work they act so sweet to your face and they are the first ones to stab you in the back!

My babysitter quit her last day is July 1 and my mom lost her job and she will get paid to July 1 so it all worked out at least for the summer.

I have another sitter lined up if my mom finds a job after my leave from the baby. I don't want to spend my weekends alone anymore but Ben has a long way and 6 more months of this stupid class. Man I can't wait till it is over BUT at least I have my mom to help me now.

The Sick Story

2011-06-03T10:57:00.000-07:00

So I have been sick all week... and can't really take anything so I suffer.. and continue to suffer.

I thought it was allergies now I have a cough and sore throat

The kids got sick Wed night Kylie has had a cough for over a week and Xander started with a fever

Woke up Thur morning for work and he is burning up no work for me.

6 scripts from the doctor... he ha strep? Like how does a 2 year old get strep? She has bronchitis sweeeet.

I should not be complaining my kids have not been sick since before Xmas.

I hope this is the last of it till winter...

I have been getting up every 2 to 3 hours to check on him during the night with the fever and therefore have not slept in 3 nights.

I get to wake up tomorrow at 6:30 to babysit I told a friend I would watch her kid while she had school every sat in June what was I thinking.

I called this friend and told her that my kids were sick she said her kid was just sick so she won't catch it again.

I give up with people. Therefore all plans for the weekend are gone as we have sick kiddos.

Hopefully by Sunday night we are all better.

Did I mention the hubby works all weekend also.

Check out http://sippycupsarenotforstarbucks.blogspot.com for more Left Overs....

Photo edits take one...

2011-05-31T18:38:00.000-07:00

Here are some photos I took and edited of my kids at the park....

let me know what you think and if you have any suggestions for me :)

<3 Jillian.....

The "How 2" on Cake Pops....

2011-05-31T13:09:00.001-07:00

Okay ladies as you wish....

Here is my version I did purchase the booked called "Cake Pops" by Bakerella. You can also put "bakerella" into google and find her there.

She is the master of them I on the other hand can make them and they taste awesome I have not gotten into the really cool stuff like how to make them look like baby chicks for Easter..

Here is the easy version from me... side note I like to do things that are SIMPLE... these are simple but they take a bit and I have learned having 2 people makes it easier so find a friend or a mom or a hubby to help you..

Make a devils food cake and let it cool completely I do it over night to make sure it is cool. Almost 24 hours....

Destroy Cake... crumble the cake until it is all crumbles.... mix in 3/4 of a container of white frosting which ever kind mix it all together

Roll into balls not to big not to small I don't know what to tell you like inch wise but not as big as a golf ball and not as small as a marble. place them on a cookie sheet with wax paper.

One cake makes about 40 balls but once you start the rest of the process you may loose some.

Okay if you have time put the "balls" in the fridge over night otherwise the freezer for about one to two hours works fine.

What you are going to do is buy melting chocolate and do a double boiler on the stove I use Wilton's but you need to add a little veggie oil to thin it out. You will also need a piece of Styrofoam to stick the sticks in once you have dipped or something similar.

1. take the cake ball in one hand
2. dip the tip of the lollipop stick in the melted chocolate
3. put stick in ball
4. dip ball in chocolate till it is covered. (you may need a spoon to help)
5. Hold up right to let it drip a bit
6. I added sprinkles this time DO NOT ROLL them in sprinkles though use your fingers and just sprinkle them on

Another tip if you don't want lollipops you can do the same thing and put them in mini-cup cake papers and they look like little bon bons cute for a girls night or a bridal shower.

Another fun thing I have done for kids parties is make rice krispie treats but instead use fruity pebbles. put in a pan and let them harden over night. Roll them into balls and stick a Popsicle stick in them cover with plastic wrap and a cute ribbon.. they were a HIT at the party I made them for.

I hope that you all enjoy cake pops they have not become a hit with the kids and adults so I am usually making them a couple times a year. But they are pretty dang good.

Also I promise to share some of the edits I did over the weekend at the Twin's party. I just loaded photo shop and WOW its not that easy it is Elements so if anyone has any tips that would be great.

I will also share a picture of the cake pops that were made :)

Friday Night Leftovers Confessions of a Bad Blogger....

2011-05-27T07:28:00.001-07:00

I suck at blogging lately I want to post at least every other day and add pictures.. but yah.... not happening BUT I promise to be a better blogger

So I have been trying to play "photographer" we purchased a very expensive camera after my son was born 2 years ago and then this past winter another lens.... I figured it was time to learn how to use it.

I have also been playing around with photo editing and I have adobe elements to be loaded on my computer for now I am using something online

I have to say I really like it.... and my pictures look as good as the professional I just paid $100 to...

With Memorial Day Approaching I feel compelled to write something for my husband. I wrote a piece before and I want to get it written and in a frame for our house it was pretty good I think I mean the man cried!

So my first photographer session will be this Sunday I am going to take pictures at a birthday party for a set of adorable twin boys who are Turing two! I can't wait OHHH and tonight me and my girl friend are making cake pops for the boys party YUM-O

Did I mention Cake Pops are the bomb NO REALLY they are.

Oh and I was a little (A LOT) upset to find my jello and pudding in the work fridge was thrown away WTF? Had my name on it with a "DO NOT TOSS"

But Patti came to the rescue and made a treat and now I am better :)

Finally my baby Luca in my belly just kicked me and made my boob shake! Oh happy Friday and a 3 day weekend!

Let us all not forget with the Beer, BBQ and the parties what Monday is really about God Bless are Troops!

Photos.....

2011-05-24T10:17:00.000-07:00

The kids had their photo's taken Sat morning at a local park. I did like the way they turned out BUT I had taken some of them and my friends kids at the same park a few weeks earlier and over the weekend was playing around with some photo editing.

I still have a lot to learn BUT the ones I edited..looked awesome and we do own a Nikon D60 and we bought the better lens for it so why not try and learn more about the thing right? I am so excited.

My friends twins bday party is this Sunday and I can't wait to play photographer :)

We are the Lucky Ones

2011-05-18T10:03:00.000-07:00

My mom went to get her MRI the other day nothing big she has been having problems with her knee. The young girl started to tell her about her niece that she watches who was born early 3 months.

She is 3 now but she has been through a lot she weighed the exact same as Xander. She has had 3 brain bleeds. brain surgery, eye surgery twice and she wears glasses. Heart complications and she goes to speech, physical, and occupational therapy 3 times a week. The girl said she is such a joy to watch and that they can't believe how far she has come. God Bless this little girl.

My mom said she did not say anything.. she didn't feel like she could. She called me after she was done and told me the story. She said he is perfect we are so lucky!

When I told my husband this story he said 2 words Christmas Day. He was born on Christmas Day I knew he would be a miracle!

Spinning..

2011-05-17T10:00:00.000-07:00

My head is spinning it has been so busy around these parts I swear I am on Mommy overload..

Here is a glipmse of what is ahead..

Today.. Dress rehearsal for the play at Ky's school.. till 7
Tomorrow Ben has last class
Thur Play for Ky at 7 she has to be there at 6:30 make salad for Bridal shower at work when?
Friday... get everything ready for Sat morning pics in the park for the kidlets 10am
Sat 10 am pics 12pm bday party for neighbor 5pm dinner with a friend
Sunday- regroup day
Monday Doctors appt.

Its making me tired writing this..... I just hope my little man acts somewhat decent at the play because my family will all be there I have no one to watch him. My only friend that will watch him has to work.

You know what sucks is when you watch someones kid so many times you can no longer count on one hand but yet when you ask them to watch yours in return the answer always seems to be "NO"

Yeah well guess what my answer is "no" now most of the time plus with the addition of baby #3 why should I watch someone else's kid so they can go out every weekend when I have 3 of my own. My mom usually watches the kids once a month so we can have a date night other than that we take the kids.

I just love how some people forgot what they need to take care of.

Oh What a Morning

2011-05-10T09:15:00.000-07:00

So... I think my daughter is so funny sometimes.

This morning it was a little hectic I did my best to get everything in order because The Princess was going on her first official field trip on a bus and everything to see Winnie the Pooh the play and the local community college.

So I packed her lunch last night and put in a little surprise a candy necklace and some other Easter candy to share. She picked out her outfit and got up this morning very quickly and got all ready.

We have everything I filled her "Estimation" jar with Marshmallows. I drank some water and as we are about to walk out the door I threw up all over the kitchen floor.

My daughter covers her eyes and proceeds to tell me the following..... " This is ridiculous Mom I need to get to my field trip" Why did you throw up?

I could not help but Laugh at her. She is standing by the door with my keys and says I will meet you in the car. Who is the parent here??

Then of course some lady does not follow the rules of the road and turns in front of me I almost hit her in at the school and she proceeds to yell and scream if there had not been 300 kids around I would have gave her the bird and kicked her butt pregnant belly or not!

So it has been much better since I have been here at work. So far that is....

Lessons Learned.

2011-05-02T11:59:00.000-07:00

So as I watched the news last night I wished I could have had a glass of wine to celebrate the killing of a horrible terrorist.

I went to bed feeling all "Go USA"

BUT when I got up this morning and was messing around on face book I could not believe what people were saying. I finally decided that I had to do some deleting. and I did and boy did it feel good.

I also decided I don't want anything to do with a certain group of people any longer.... I am sick of the back stabbing and negativity that comes with it all. Grow up and stop sitting on face book all day causing problems.. and fights.

I have to say I feel better I also learned another lesson this weekend. I email everyone from my work email it is just easier as I am here 5 days a week. For some reason my sister in law wanted to respond to the email about getting together for Easter to my personal email in which I hardly check. Why? Because she simply did not want us there I am not stupid but instead of getting all upset about it I am just going to laugh it off...

Busy week this week at work and home.. Cinco Party Thur at work for company people, Cubs game with Company people Friday Thur night mothers day dinner Sat Communion party and Sunday mothers day BBQ at moms... OH MY now if I could only get some sleep thank you son for getting up at 330 and staying up 630 talking and jumping and keeping me awake.

Friday Night Left Overs.

2011-04-29T13:54:00.001-07:00

So I am having another Boy! I kind of wanted a girl but I am blessed I have one girl now and 2 boys :)

I am praying for a full term pregnancy the doctor says everything is looking really good so far

I miss my husband something crazy and I just wish school was over but even when it is... it will not get better he has clinical's a full time job and he will be going back to his PT job

I am so sick of the rain in IL we had rain for 20 days out of 29 in APRIL REDIC!

I may be going to a movie this evening with my aunt is it sad that the last time I saw Justin Bieber

Can't Wait for Something Borrowed to come out me and hubbs have a deal he will take me to it if I take him to Thor AGREED that means 2 date nights.

I have nothing to do this weekend really and I am excited for that

I really want Mexican food but the last time we tried i saw it again 2 hours later

Sister in Law and her hubby are coming over tomorrow afternoon pray for me.

Nephew had surgery Tue a hip replacement at 10 he has something wrong it is a rare thing but he has and he is still taking a lot of pain meds I don't think it was the kind my Grandma had I know they cut a few bones OUCH... he is doing great

As always thanks for hosting Danifred if you would like more check out her blog http://sippycupsarenotforstarbucks.blogspot.com/

Happy Sunny Friday Everyone!

Well.....

2011-04-27T08:40:00.000-07:00

Its a Boy! Luca will be here sometime at the end of Aug.

I am not sure what Xander is going to do when he has to share his toys, clothes, and his room eventually but we will manage.

I am very blessed I have my princess and 2 mama's boys life is good.

Its Friday

2011-04-22T06:54:00.000-07:00

I am to sad for my friend today to do Friday Night Left Overs.....

I am so sick of hearing about death and Sorrow. There has been so many the last few months. My neighbor, my other neighbor, 2 girls my brother went to high school with.... and now my friends dad.

I can't even imagine what she is feeling she is young and dating a guy but she has not gotten married or had kids yet. To think that her dad will miss that makes me so very sad!

Why do bad things happen to good people? She is so sweet and always has a smile. If you are down and out she is right there to pick you just her presence alone!

Its not fair to her I feel so terrible for her.. and I just hope that one day she gets her smile back. I can say that I have only seen her sad one time. I almost don't want to go to the wake because just seeing her like is enough!

My heart goes out to her and her brother who lost a dad, her mom who lost her love and her grandparents who lost their son..... I can only imagine.

I am looking forward to the weekend with my family I am going to say I love you more than once and hug them a little tighter. What I have learned from all this death I am surrounded with is that tomorrow is never promised so live for today and be thankful for tomorrow.

Happy Easter!

Momma Said there would be days like this!

2011-04-21T12:56:00.000-07:00

It had been a good day for you that day, your 2 great aunts came to visit from a far.

You had your eyes opened and I remember thinking you looked a lot like your uncle (my brother) I hated not seeing your face with all the wires and tubes. But it was okay cause one day they would be gone.

We headed over to the cafe for lunch and I actually laughed for the first time in a month. We were gone a mere hour and you had taken a turn. We came back and you were pale and sleeping. The nurse came and told us your blood level was low... basically that you need a transfusion and I needed to sign for it. They also said that something else was wrong you had an infection.

They did not know whether it was meningitis or just a UTI. If it was meningitis they would give you the same antibiotic for 14 days instead of ten. They said we needed to make the decision if we were to give you a spinal tab. I remember saying " you want to stick my 2 pound baby with a needle in his spine"

My husband and I did not need to discuss anything the answer was NO that 4 more days of the meds would not hurt and you had been through enough. I was so irritated when 30 minutes later the doctor who does spinal taps came down to talk to us. I told him that he must have missed the memo because I already said NO!

He went on and on about how his daughter was preemie and he did it on her. Well you are not his parent this time. He got mad and said that if there were lasting effects from the meningitis the insurance company would not cover and he could not be treated. I knew in my heart he would be okay but I refused to do this! It was bad enough, breathing tube, feeding tube, IV sometimes in his head! He did not need this.

He got the blood he needed and the meds and he is fine today I do not see any lasting effects from what happened and me not giving in to the pressure. I wish I could have strangled that doctor that day.

I read a story of a baby that was born at 27 weeks the same gestation that I had Xander. She is 7 months old and still in the NICU. I thank GOD every single day for my Christmas Miracle! And all the other blessings he has thrown my way. Sometimes I think I don't Thank Him enough!

Friday Night Leftovers

2011-04-15T07:35:00.000-07:00

I am so glad today is Friday and that in a few short hours it will be the weekend!

Tomorrow I am me and the Princess are going to get pampered at my friends hair school I am so excited to get some much needed one on one time with her.

While the girls are out Xander will be spending some one on one with My mom which is also something that he never gets

We are headed to the city for dinner tomorrow for a bday! I am so excited.

Sunday I have a bridal shower which means I will only have to see my in laws for an hour at most... (jumps up and down)

The pimple above my lip is killing me today and my hubby wont even kiss me LOL

Tonight we headed to the health and wellness fair at Kylie's school I hope my son decides to behave...

Thanks again to Danifred for hosting go here: http://sippycupsarenotforstarbucks.blogspot.com/

And in the words of Tigger TTFN....

Names

2011-04-14T12:58:00.000-07:00

So I have a few bones to pick with family members... I named my son Alexander on 12-25-2008. We call him Xander<- Spelled this way He is almost 2 and a half and you still want to spell his name Zander. I am tired of correcting everyone when even his grandparents do it. It annoys the heck out of me. For his Birithday his Aunt wrote him a check and used my Maiden NAME! I have been Mrs. V for almost 7 years. Needless to say I can't cash the check because I am no longer Jillian S**** so I just ripped it up. My finally bone I have to pick is with the pimple that decided to make its way above my lip and it looks like a WART Thanks Baby Bean for stealing what beauty I had left But mommy still loves u

Vent.... and a Rewind

2011-04-13T07:45:00.000-07:00

So I need to vent... here it the rewind... 2 years ago my husbands extended family Aunts, Cousins, and Sisters made dinner plans for a girls night out. Things with my in laws have been rocky from the start... it was only 10 minutes from where I worked at the time and I figured why not. So I go to this dinner. Ben had just gotten out of the Army at the time. We were making plans for our church wedding. So his aunt asked me how things were going I said fine.

Ben was having problems with his family since he had gotten back from over seas a lot had happened. His mom went crazy was talking about never speaking to him again and how I ruined his life because I got pregnant before we were married and now he would never be coming home. All because of me. So when his aunt asked about I told the truth in a nice way I said that Ben was hurt by the way he was being treated and felt abandoned by his family when it should be such a happy time. I am sure you know what happens next....

They went back and told his mom and caused a over a year long fight. She did not come to my home or call my house she did not see my daughter...

2. His family for the last 6-7 years have had a cookie exchange during Christmas for just the ladies in the family. I have been with Ben for almost eleven years and I have been invited maybe the last 3 years. I have not gone once.... and I wont.... Why am I all of a sudden good enough? And I am so scared that I will say the wrong thing and it will get back to someone.

Current: So here it is they sent an email out a month ago for a Girls Day out Ben begged me to try and go because it is shopping I could drive myself and if I needed to walk away from them I can it would be at an outdoor outlet mall... I agreed..... I told them to count me in and I would meet them out there. The hubby has a big test on Monday and really needs to study I think that is more important than me shopping I told them I did not have a sitter and was unable to go. (no kids allowed) His sister emailed me this morning and said to ask his dad to watch the kids since he is coming into town.

Ben talked to his Parents Sunday advised we did not have a sitter and that I couldn't go. They never offered, which is what I responded to his sister and I told her I was not asking. She keeps begging me to go and at this point I have made other plans... She said to bring the kids and that they would all help. YEAH RIGHT I have been there done that and they don't help not one BIT. I just want her to stop begging me I am scared if she does not stop emailing me soon I might blow up and tell her how I really feel which would not be good. We have not talked to his oldest sister since Oct... because she decided to bash us on Face book.. I think the best bet is to just ignore it I called him and told him to deal with it if they contacted him I don't have the energy today....

I have so much more to vent about my friends kid being at my house and then 3 days later she found head lice! I have never had it and I freaked out spent the evening cleaning everything.... Woke up at midnight and saw everything I had ate yesterday again for an hour I felt like the exorcist... I woke up late and did my hair in 3 minutes from Wet to Done I think that is a new record... I need a nap

Cheese for Ice-cream

2011-04-12T14:14:00.000-07:00

So this weekend was wonderful to say the least! I spent every minute making memories with the kids and hubby. I can't wait for our new addition. I keep telling X-man that I have a baby in my belly and now points and says Mommy's baby but I don't think that he really understands that his life is about to change :)

We took our first trip to the ice-cream place the outside one it opened last week and this was Xanders first official kiddie cone he got to have all by himself and he he was covered it in. I tried to take it to lick the drippings and he screamed at the top of his lungs " NO MOMMY MINE CONE" I think God and the angels even heard him.

The above pic is his official ice-cream face!

Happy Almost Hump-Day!

Friday Night Left Overs... What I want Addition

2011-04-08T08:42:00.001-07:00

I want one of the new Coach Poppy Bags Happy Easter to Me? Do you think bunny will bring one?

I want to shop for my baby bean if they would just show their parts so Mommy will know what to buy?

I want to living room furniture I has been time for 6 plus months.... I just have not made the time to order it.

I want to paint Kylie room and start getting everything ready so for once I wont feel like I am doing everything last minute

I want to go to the Shed in Chicago to see the new Jellyfish exhibit :)

I want to try and plan a long weekend vacation with Ben and the kids before the bean makes (his/her) appearance.

I want to have the kids make super cute crafts for my mom and grandma for Mothers Day... My mother in law won't get one until she learns how to be a grandparent to all her grandchildren not just 2 of them

I want pasta......

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Lost...

2011-04-06T11:44:00.001-07:00

So my dad lost yesterday SIGH I just hope he does not give up..

I am thinking that he needs to move on to something else in politics and leave the town to the 800 people out of 6000 registered voters... it seems no one cares.

On to better things.

I found this picture of my sons hand when he was about 2 pounds so tiny.... and I think how far he has come since then.... THANK GOD for Miracles.

I'm a Poll Watcher...

2011-04-05T09:55:00.000-07:00

Yes today is Election Day and my dad is running for a Village Board seat. I have to say I will be glad when this is all over.... So I will be poll watching tonight from 3-7pm and then taking the results of my "poll" back to the Rally I have seen so many people say such harsh things about him whether on a social networking site, in the newspaper, or on a message board and its sucks I don't like it one bit! He has done nothing but good for the community spent 10 years on the school board and built a new school worth over a million dollars for the kids in the community. They also named the park that was built behind the school after him. I mean he has to be doing something right. I hate when people bash. Especialy when it is about their personal life. That has nothing to do with what he does in the community. As far as his personal life he raised me and my brother and we turned out good, never got into any trouble or anything. Yeah so he and my mom got divorced so what. My mom even though she has moved on is still helping him with his campaign between money and time. Why don't they ever talk about that! Anyways I really hope that he wins today! He has ran so many times and 2 years ago he lost by only 22 votes. I wish he would have contested it but he said he lost and that was that. I wish him and his party the best of luck today! I hope I have good news to report tomorrow. Either way I am going to be happy when all the name calling and bashing is over.

Friday Night Leftovers

2011-04-01T07:29:00.000-07:00

I will start posting pics of the kidlets on my blog I promise

This weekend should be pretty low key I may take the kids to a hands on museum on a whim lets see how baby bean treats me.

This will be the last weekend I have the hubbs full attention after this I will not have time with him till May 20th sigh...

He will be officially done with this class on May 20th Hooray

Really hope that this summer is not crazy with things every weekend. I know I have a wedding in June that I may or may not be attending it all depends on baby bean. I have the shower next Sunday. I got an invite to a First Communion in May fingers crossed that is the last of it.

I have decided to take it upon myself to have a family Reunion its been years since we had one and they always make the best memories I am so excited about. Any fun ideas are welcome.

Why is it that I either have a headache or I can't stop sneezing...

I love my nook I think it is the best thing ever.

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No Words

2011-03-30T14:29:00.000-07:00

Have nothing good to write I had a lot of things swimming around and then I lost them... and so there is that preggo brain again. I have been successfully putting the kids to bed by 9pm every night and it is going very well so far. I then head to bed myself and read for about an hour... getting in some mommy time. I am one of those parents that with the first child I just let her do whatever cause that is what I did. I was a SAHM then for almost till she was 2 and we just kind of went with it. She started public school this year and now has to get up at 7:15 every morning. Now with the second one I was all about the routine I think it is because I work full time now and it was easier. He was in bed every night at 8:00 no matter what. But now that he is gotten older I extended it an hour. Now I am not sure if all hell is going to break loose when summer comes and the new baby is born but we shall see what happens. I am trying to think positive about this whole thing... But with a new baby coming and a hubby who is almost non-existent for another 8 months or so I don't know how I will manage but I will right?

Friday Night Left Overs

2011-03-25T10:06:00.000-07:00

I am going to start doing this because I like this and I want to be a 5 day a week blogger
I have been so tired lately with being preggo and it does not seem to be getting any better
I am going out the next 2 nights without the kiddos or the hubby I need this so much
Is so happy to be feeling the baby more than once in awhile it makes me smile
Is itching to see to watch Army Wives on Sunday I wish I knew someone who could just tell me what happens
It has been so hectic at home in the evenings with the kids.... I hope it slows down.
I want Arbys and I am determined to get it TODAY.
I love my hubby he is wonderful and I could not ask for more
I am going to set my ipod up on my new computer and buy new songs....
maybe next week I will figure out the link to the host

Now to relax for the weekend... :)

Being an Army Wife

2011-03-23T13:13:00.001-07:00

So is it sad that I miss Being an Army Wife? No not the deployments or the war.

I miss the being so close to people it was like your family but you didn't share the same blood.... I miss that. I also miss GA and all my friends there..

I Miss the Spanish Moss
I Miss the smell of paper
I miss the river
I miss the drive downtown
I miss the warmth there.

I want to go there and visit so bad. I think for the very first time in my life I need a change. I am sick of the same routine over and over. I need to be that close to people once again. I sometimes feel like I am slowly moving away not physically but mentally from people and its beyond my control.

I just want to move into a new place in a new town and start over. I need a fresh smell and a new house and new floor and a new room....

I just feel stuck like we are going to be stuck in the same place forever. Blahhhhhh maybe tomorrow will be better or maybe I need ice cream? Who know.

ABC's Of Me....

2011-03-22T07:26:00.000-07:00

1. Age- 27
2. Bed Size- Queen
3. Chore you Hate- Cleaning the bathroom
4. Dog- Yes one Max
5. Essential Start to your day- Waking up the princess for school
6. Fav Color- Purple
7. Gold or Silver- white Gold
8. Height- 5"0 even
9. Instruments you can play- None
10. Job Title- Marketing Rep
11. Kids- Kylie-6 Xander-2 and Bun in the oven
12. Live- Illinois
13. Moms Name- Joni
14. Nicknames- Jilly, Jilly Fran, Chuckles
15. Overnight Hospital Stay- To have babies or because of babies.
16. Pet Peeve- Liars
17. Quote from a Movie:
18. Righty or Lefty- Righty
19. Siblings- Brother Mike
20. Time you wake up- 7am
21. Underwear- bikini
22. Veggies you dislike- most
23. What makes you run late- my hair
24. X-Rays- teeth
25. Yummy Food you make- Italian handed down from my Great Grandma we have the originals with her handwriting laminated....
26. Zoo Favorite Animal- Monkey

Changes...

2011-03-18T10:30:00.000-07:00

So I think I have changed a lot over the past year. I have been trying to "FOCUS" on being a better mom to my kids, a better wife, a better friend, a better daughter and sister....

I think I have done a pretty good job with being better. I know there is still much more room for improvement but I think I have gotten "better" and that's what counts the most.

I have learned to Listen more to my friends just hear their words with out giving them a reason just keeping it simple saying I am here for you and it will get better. Instead of "I think you should" I have done this when this happened in the past.

I am trying to let the little things not get to me so much my hubby not washing the towels or doing the dishes. The kids not picking up their rooms... Live is to short for yelling and cleaning. Yes we need to clean but with being a full time working mother when I come home that is the last thing I want to do is clean. I want to be with my kids and spend time with my family.

I am still working on being better... and it time it will come...

Its Friday Baby!

2011-03-18T07:08:00.001-07:00

I have so many thoughts.......

* I am not looking forward to making "sides" for my dad's campaign rally for 100 people eek

*I realized yesterday that this year I do have a lil Irish in me on St Patty's Day My Bean in my belly

*We made Pot of Gold Snack Mix with the Kiddos and it is so yummy I might do another batch with the left over stuff :)

*I forgot my work bag today that contained my lunch and my book I suck today

* I am so looking forward to shopping with a new/old friend re-found this year

* I need to work on my Blog and learn how to make it look all cool and stuff maybe people will read it

* okay that is all

TGIF

What if...

2011-03-17T12:00:00.000-07:00

In one minute your life changed forever.... I can't imagine something bad happening to one of my kids. I don't even think about it cause I will start to cry. But for some it has happened.... I don't know what I would say because it has really never happened to anyone close to me.

A girl that lives 3 blocks over was killed "accidentally by her boyfriend" on Friday night. I don't know the details of the story but I feel for her family. Can you imagine getting the call their lives will never be the same.

I don't think I understand grief nor do a lot of people in reading my hubby's medical books there are different stages. But does it really happen that way? I don't think you ever really get over loosing a child. My grandparents have lost a child and a grandchild. Their daughter was in her 30's and their granddaughter was 17 months. I don't think that you ever stop hurting my grandma will still talk about her and tear up. I remember her saying that it was not fair she was supposed to go first.

My heart breaks for families who loosed loved ones and it has to be more difficult when it is sudden.

Part of this makes me wonder why? A story like this and many others make me question my faith and why God would take a small child or a young girl?

I don't know if I will ever get the answers. Until then rest in peace....

Long Time...

2011-03-16T06:33:00.000-07:00

Its been a long time since I have put up a post. I am not sure if anyone actually reads this anyways but....

I had a problem logging into blogger and I finally got it all figured out. The holidays were wonderful with the exception of some family issues. I try to stay out of that.

In Jan we found out after 2 weeks of nausea that something just was not right. I bought the pregnancy test myself and didn't tell anyone not even my hubby. I really think I was in denial but knew all along. I took the test well 3 actually and they were all positive so there you have it baby #3 is on the way.

This will be our last I am getting a permanent fix while they do the c-section this time. Although I am not sure how I feel about that :( I may just get an IUD or something I am scared for it to be so OVER. So I am battling with that although I don't really think about it often. I am praying for a successful pregnancy this time. I hope and pray for a healthy baby with no NICU. I want so bad to be able to take my baby home with me.

I hope that God and me can agree to keep me pregnant till 37 weeks.....

I am now almost 15 weeks and my bp is okay so far. I am keep my fingers crossed it continues to go un-eventful.

Well that's all for now.... stay tuned :)

Dunkaroos...

2010-11-03T13:52:00.000-07:00

We found some at the local small cheap grocery store I told my friend to buy me 12 boxes yeah I am a freak.

Halloween Sucked both of the kids were suck UGH! I am exhausted from waking up with them for the last week in the middle of the night. It has not been fun to see them so sick and miserable.

On a sad note a girl from the town over died at age 23 at a Halloween Party over the weekend. Although I did not know her alot of my friends knew her. She was a special education teacher that in its self makes you a special person. It got me thinking that life is so precious anything can happen at any moment. I could not imagine if something bad happened to one of my friends or their kids. we have been so lucky the last bad thing that happened was some friends from school got in an accident on the hwy driving back to school and one was killed the other paralyzed from the neck down. It was so sad and tragic I remember going back to work after the funeral and having sun glasses on it was the worst thing ever! So sad.

At the same time sometimes I feel like I don't tell my friends I love them enough or how much they mean to me. Today I got an interesting email from my aunt who heard of a bad crash on 394 the road my mom takes to go to work. She called my mom to make sure it was not her. She then sent all of us an email and said that she loved us and we mean the world to her. I cried and cried it took me a good half hour to compose myself. It really meant a lot to me.

I think that is all I have for today.

Happy Halloweenie.....

2010-10-15T14:51:00.000-07:00

I have so much to do and so little time! I have to prepare for 4th annual Halloween Party at my casa!

This year I invited 25 kids and let me tell you I may need a nice martini when the party is offically over. Dont worry I wont be drinking with kids around!

But see the thing is my friend is getting married tomorrow and the party is on Sunday so I basicaly have tonight and tomorrow morning to get everything in order for this party.

Ahhh.... I really need not be typing and get to moving.

The kids will be Vampire(my son) which totally fits because he is always biting someone. and a Witch (my princess) Although she is far from mean and the sweetest lil girl I know she wanted to be something "scary" plus I got the costume for $.50 yes thats right 50 cents last year at walmart I figured I might as well try to get her to be that.

I can't wait for Trick or Treating... and of course the candy I get to raid after they kids are in bed muhahahahahahaahaha

Allergies in Full Swing

2010-09-22T10:43:00.000-07:00

My Allergies are in full swing today. thanks mother nature for the crazy ass weather you have been throwing our way here in Chicago. We go from 65 degree day to a 90 degree day WTF?

So I have been having a lot of crazy thoughts lately... like my hubby is super quiet and keeps to him self. I love him dont get me wrong but I sometimes wonder if someone like me more out going would be more fun?

I mean my husband and I have fun times but those are when we are alone. Never with a group of people. Most of the time I go out by myself and have a much better time then when I have to entertain him and do what he wants. I have basically just have learned to live with it. But there are times when I still wish that he was just a little bit more out going.

After having 2 kids I figured one of them would be like him although I wished they would not be. And it seems like they are both like there mama. Big personalities. And for this I am grateful

Here is to hoping I stop sneezing before bed time and that my headache leaves...

Really Wants

2010-09-17T13:12:00.000-07:00

Another baby sigh...............

I wonder what my husband would think?

Toddler Time!

2010-09-14T10:28:00.000-07:00

I have noticed over the last six months that my daughter watches too much TV. Since school started we do not turn the TV on during the week at all.

Everyday when she gets home from school she is only allowed to play with her toys or do other things. I come home while I make dinner we talk about her day. Then after dinner we read, play games, color, paint Exct...

And lately I have not even been turning the TV on until the weekend. After the kids are off to bed I clean up, so dishes... then I get in my bed usually have a snack and read as well.

With The Hubbs being in school full time and the weather still nice I have been taking the kids somewhere every weekend. Even if it is to the park for a few hours. We usually go out the lunch on Sat this week we went to the McDonald's play place then Sunday we had a birthday party.

Yesterday I took the kids to toddler time at the library and it was a success! Although Xander has grown up with Kylie he needs the social interaction and to learn to be in a structured setting.

It was fun my friend brought her twins along with another set of hands to help. We had a really great time and then went back and let the boys play after. They were sad to see us go but we can come back next Monday for round 2 :)

This weekend is the 2nd Preemie Picnic we will be attending in Honor of our Graduate from the RUSH NICU. I am so happy to see all the other babies that we met along the way and their parents. I am really looking forward to seeing all the nurses again can't wait.

Shhh don't tell anyone but I am really having the baby itch again I need a fix damnit!

Word of the Week

2010-09-07T14:19:00.000-07:00

My daughter is a riot. She is literally the funniest kid I know. She says the craziest things I have ever heard in my life.

Here are 2 funny stories to prove she is a trip and a half.

I did not witnessed this actual event but my babysitter told me. So we all know little boys that once they discover their lil ding dongs they are obsessed with it. Every time I take off my sons diaper he plays, when he takes a bath he plays with it he now sticks his hands in the diaper and "plays" Do they ever really stop? LOL

Anyways the babysitter is changing my son and of course he is "playing" with it. The princess usually stands beside the changing table to talk to who ever is changing the baby.

So my son goes to touch her and she yells at hom " DON'T TOUCH ME" Babysitter: "why cant he touch you Kylie?"

Kylie replies " Um yeah I don't want his penis germs!" LMAO I could not stop laughing when she told me this how funny is that!

So as you know she started school a few weeks ago. She was telling me that there was a little boy in her class that is "Bad"

Kylie" Mom he does not listen, or sit correctly,"
Me: Oh which little boy is that?
Kylie" Mom he is darker than me you know like the ones next door"

Her new word of the week is Absolutely.

I ask her to do something and she is all Absolutely Mom I would love to! I sometimes wonder if she is being a smart ass or not?

Wondering....

2010-09-06T15:12:00.001-07:00

Happy Labor today so today is my day off and let me tell you I needed it so very bad.

Anyways, I have been doing a lot of thinking today? Like wondering why things happen? In my life and to other people that I care about.

Before I met my hubby I never thought in a million years I would be a military wife. Nor did I imagine that I would see a war and live though someone I love being in it! After going through that and the after math of I remember thinking it can't get worse than this. I think I have been through it all.

Boy was I wrong...Then I get very sick and my baby is sick as I think back on how scary it really I still can't believe it was real and that we all went through it. At this point I don't dare say nothing could be worse because yes there will be things that are hard if not harder...

This I am facing is the facts of life it is like an endless roller coaster. you just have to make your ride worth while. I believe it is truly up to me to make sure I am happy.. and that my kids are happy. I make up my mind whether to live in happiness or anger.

There have been times in my life where I was down or depressed but I think if I have learned anything from it is that it really could be worse and I need to make the best of it. At least I am not sick or watching someone die... there are much worse things than having to clean up after people day after day or spilling milk on the floor.

I had a really good "family weekend" I did everything I wanted to do despite self centered grandparents who refuse to visit their grand kids even though they driver 4 and a half hours so be it. I am sick of trying to make things right with people. Get over yourself because at least I can look in the mirror.

Flat Hair and Moving Up!

2010-08-31T14:37:00.000-07:00

So my hair is flat cause the heat is crazy!!!!!!! I don't think I ever it remember it being this hot so close to Sept 1rst. WOW 95 geese what a hot summer here in Chicago....

I hate flat hair did I ever tell you that.... I like Big hair well it has been tamed since the 90's but I do like it to have a little uph.... if you know what I mean.

So I feel like I am officially a Woman who has a Career. I am officially traveling outside the State of IL for my Job... and Flying on an airplane I feel kind of like I am moving in the right direction. You know like I am working my way up the ladder and if I stay in one place and put in my time I will be able to move it on up.

I have nothing really to say. I am officially a mom of a school aged Child and I have started to know what a single mom of 2 kids feels like.

Although no my hubby and I are still married, but he is in school full time and working full time so basically he uses the facilities of our home and that's it. We are in week 2 of this and I can honestly say it SUCKS I don't know how I am going to make it a year but I know this much I am going to be doing some smoking and alot of drinking that is for sure.

I don't care what anyone says a glass of wine here and there and a night out with the girls keeps a mama sane!!!!!!!!! I for the first time in months went to bed at 9:30 last night I was shocked did even make it through the second episode of Diners Drive Ins and Dives. Pathetic but this is what my night consisted of:

Leave work at 4:45
Gas Station stop 4:50
Weight Watchers Weigh in 5:30
Home to find road tore up 6:00
Walking a block to my house 6:10
Sink full of dishes 6:20
Baths for me and the kids 6:45
Feeding us dinner 7:30
Play Games with Kids 8:00
Bed for the kids 8:45
Mommy sit down 9:00

On top of that it was Starve yourself Monday and I did not eat but dry Cheerios until I ate a plate of pasta while walking around getting stuff ready for school.

I was starving and then it like went away and I could barely eat UGH Tonight I am getting dinner getting Kylie school shoes coming home bed for kids getting in shower then off for Girls night cause why bother staying home when your only company is a mute dog...

And the Tears Fall......

2010-08-26T09:16:00.000-07:00

It feels like just yesterday when I held you for the first time it was me you and Nanny. While daddy snored in the chair beside the hospital bed.

Your Nanny and I could not get enough every little noise all your little toes and those chubby little cheeks. I was the first in the group to have a baby to say you changed my life would be an understatement. I spent a year with you.. we were like 2 peas in a pod just me and you against the world.

We went shopping, hung out with friends, went to dinner, Walmart trips and midnight because who cares I was a stay at home mom who did not believe in schedules. You were as happy as can be. You turned one and we welcomed home your daddy.. you walked down the isle before mommy at her wedding... Then we bought our first home and we moved in.

A week ago I took you to enroll in school. It was fun you got to meet your teacher and learn about things like a library and Brownies...

But today when I watched you walk though the door with that backpack bigger than you I lost it. Where did the last five years go? Before I know it I will be teaching you how to drive and helping you life then planning you wedding...

But tonight once again it will be just you and me for a little one on one girl time. Three Cheers for Kindergarten I can only home I did a good job :)

I love you Princess Kylie for here to heaven and back!

Listen

2010-08-18T14:21:00.000-07:00

I have found that in the past I have not been the best listener. I have been trying very very hard to just listen... and not always have to comment back on things.

I have been doing my own personal little tests with myself.... testing myself in different settings on different things and with different people.

It will be intersting to see what the results are and how I will move forward with it. I think that if I start to make possitive changes in my life things will start to look up.

I have done some research to make the homemade Christmas gifts I want to.

I want to make a list and write down what I want to make each person then buy the supplies and get everything complete. But in my head there are so many ideas....

I just wish I could get people to read my blog and comment ah maybe one day

Wordless Wednesday

2010-08-18T13:52:00.000-07:00

My Princess in 2005 at First Birthday and next week I will be walking her through the doors of school. I am already crying....

And Then Things Changed.

2010-08-17T13:54:00.000-07:00

Have been really thinking alot lately about things.. Alot of things....

Ben starts school in less than a week which means me and the kids for the next 18 months. I am really starting to get in a bad mood.

I am trying to keep busy with planning things and such but it really has not been working that well. I think I need to make some changes in my life.

This is what I want to happen in the next six months.....

1. Join something (anything really) Book club, knitting night, a band.... whatever just JOIN.

2. Take Sewing class at Joann's

3. Pay library fines so I can save money by not buying the books

4. Continue on my path of a 60 Pound weight losss... I am over half way there

5. Exercise More

6. Try and Do more one on one things with Kylie this whole daddy is going to be busy will not make her a happy girl

7. Get in gear for a homemade Christmas.... want to make everyone a homemade gift. And I know I am going to have a lot of time on my hands.

I just need to make some changes. Maybe that is my problem. I have been so testy lately... annoyed at everything which I know was partly because my MIL pissed me off so bad this weekend. I want so much to let her have it I am so close to dialing the numbers, But for what I am almost sick of hearing me talk about it I just don't want too anymore.

I am looking forward to fall and the holidays. Halloween and Family Pictures..... Disney world 2011 and Hawaii 2012 Oh I can hardly wait....

Thinks she has come to the conclusion that she wants to move don't know where but somewhere with new things, new people, new adventures.

Kindergarden and Cake!

2010-08-10T13:42:00.000-07:00

So today I will leave work go home and get her certificate of birth and some other papers to driver over to the school and register the princess for kindergarten.

I can't believe this it seems I was just kissing her forehead for the first time and saying farewell to day for a year... and yet so much has happened in the last 5 years it is almost hard to believe. I sometimes wonder what she will remember of it because I don't remember much before first grade. I don't even recall my brother as a baby.

She is so grown up already... and going to public school for the first time I just can't believe this is happening. I am going to be a mom of a kindergartner.... okay now I am getting all teary eyed.

I am going to prepare the school parking lot in advance that yes I will be crying and most likely going to work with sunglasses on to hide the tears. So if you see a short girl with short brown hair dressed nice sitting in a little red car bawling her eyes out... no worries I will get over it. :)

Which brings me to another point... what is my Xman going to do without his sister all day. He loves her and sometimes even reaches his arms out for her over me and his daddy. At the end of the month he will be without her for 6 hours day. I wonder what he will do.
I recently heard a story from another mom who's boys are all grown up now but she had them 2 years apart and she said when the older one went to school the younger one would cry every morning when he left and put his shoes on an hour before he got out because he was ready to go and get his brother... HOW cute is that.

This weekend was DIET FAIL I did fine until I decided to attempt making my mom a bday cake with cool whip frosting. I usually and not the best when it comes to cake making but for some reason this cake was amazing... special thanks to Betty AKA Betty Crocker for making the dry ingredients. This cake was by far the best cake I have ever had Sorry Jewish Bakery down the street you don't compare. So if anyone out there needs a professional cake maker I am your gal.

*****please note I don't decorate I just bake and frost the cakes.***** And sometimes the frosting job is not the best but who cares if it is good right? RIGHT?

Things that make you go Hmmmm....

2010-08-05T13:57:00.000-07:00

It was an intersting weekend to say the least.

I went out...

To a Bar....

And Drank Eleven Shots.... Ate Breakfast at 3:30 Am..... Got home at 5 am.....I am a 27 year old who has not done something like this since before she was 21....

I am too old and too "Mommyified" for 4 hours of sleep, and HUGE headache, and not being able to eat for 24 hours.... UGH

BUT there is a bright side..... I had a Hell of a Time :) So Until next year this bitch will be giving herself a curfew. I NEVER NEVER thought I would say that but I will be!

The second part of this post will be a vent...... I just do not have time for bullshit. Its that simple.

If you want us to be a part of your life then make us one.... don't call 6 hours before arriving in town and ask us to come over. Everyone else knew ahead of time why didn't we. Stop texting me 8 times to try and explain things wouldn't it have been easier to PICK UP THE mother loving phone?

Again just so you know I don't have time for you to create drama with the family so its really not worth it to drag us in... Thanks and Have a Great Day

Do-Over Summer

2010-07-28T08:54:00.000-07:00

I am at the point I would like to get a re-do of Summer 2010... It is like so much has happened this summer.....

*6 Funerals
*Never See Hubby/work/sleep/eat/work/sleep/eat/kiss wife/REPEAT REPEAT
*Drama
*No Vacation
*Too Hot
* Working 40 plus hours a week and having the kids all by myself leads to
* Streeeesssssssssssss

Last night while I was watching Teen Mom which by the way really FARRAH you are going to leave your baby in the hall way while you unpack your shit are you kidding me...... What an idiot she is just as much of a loon as her mother. I do feel bad for Catelynn I am glad her and Tyler made up I was crying with her poor girl she has been through so much with the baby and now Tyler. Although I could see his point about her lying and what not but she loves him and he basically kicked her out.

Macy- Girlfriend I know you mean well and all about moving out but your friends are already not having it. And Ryan is a hottie girl you need to go and just get him in the sack one last time just remember to use a condom please

Amber- Gary is a retard and you need to move on my love you look really good but ease up on the tanning you look orange on TV girl

And then the drama comes... so last night my hubby lost me trusting him with things he should not talk about... but I dont blame him for saying something it is a doubel edged sword but because of all of this I lost a friend. I still feel so terrible this morning about it all. I want to take it all back I want to have told him not to go to training last night. Now he is no longer on the Fire Dept for now.. leave of absence although I fear he may not go back ever.

Do I push him to go back or do I push him to stay away... why are there so many choices in life?

I really need a wish right now.... like first I wish people would read this blog I promise I will make it pretty soon

In My Past

2010-07-22T12:37:00.000-07:00

So now that I have discovered the joys of DVR. I never watch anything "live" as you will. I am just so used to fast forwarding through the commericals.... which has 2 benefits one I don't have to watch the dumb things and 2 it avoids all the tears from my princesses eyes when she sees that toy and I say sask Santa!! "But Mommy HELLO Santa is not coming for 6 more months its summer" Oh well I guess you have to wait.

"But maybe I can get it for Halloween" Um no what do we look like the Trumps? We don't buy $180.00 DSI systems to be put in trick or treat bags honey.... "Why couldn't I have gotten it for Easter"

"Princess the Easter bunny brings candy and small toys that fit in a basket not DSI"

"Mom DUH Nintendo DSI can fit into a basket" UGH I digress I give up! Your not getting one because I said so and that's that!

So back to my DVR I watched the new Episode of Army Wives last night. I usually shed a tear or too watching it because I am not sure if you know about my past but I was a Military Wife an "Army Wife" to be exact I lived the life.... I took the journey of having the love your life get deployed to come back and you just begin your lives together and start a family and then BAM just like that more orders. Another year in the sand box.

The episode as one of my fellow army wife described was raw and accurate. It literally took me back to those times. "the dreaded last night" The show went to every one's home as they each said goodbye to their loved ones. They all had dinners, tears, hugs, and fears.

I remember when he left the first time it was the last phone call I cried myself to sleep and did not sleep for the next 2 days until I heard his voice again. The second time it was a week after I had given birth to the most beautiful little girl in the world. I could not drive him to the airport so his dad did. I did not take the baby cause I knew it would be that much worse. I watched him hold her close and kiss her little fore head not knowing if he would ever see her again.

We get all settled and we were waiting at the gate.. "Now Boarding all passengers for flight 250 to Atlanta" I walked with him up to the doors I was sobbing did not want to let go as we stand there and hug a man walks up to him and taps his shoulder. " Sir are you going over there" Yes Sir I am my hubby tells the stranger. " Well Son I will pray for you and your family and for your safe return Thank you for what you are doing"

That Stranger I will never know his name nor will I forgot that day in the airport. So many things flooded back last night I hated the last night, the last kiss, the last hug, the last words.... I hated it so much its almost like you never wanted the day to end. I am so thankful for all the men and women in the armed forces and for my Hero.... I would not be who I am today if it was not for you... Any Hero in Uniform will always hold a special place in my heart

They are the best of friends

2010-07-15T07:31:00.000-07:00

So right before I got preggo with Xander my hubby talked me into getting a puppy. I have never really been a dog person or a cat person for that matter. I like to stick with fish!

So anyways we got the dog who my daughter named "Max" she was a wee bit obsessed with Max and Ruby at the time. I am just glad she did not go for the Backyardigans I really would look like a fool yelling Uniqua or Tyrone out the back door....

Max has been good to us he has been through my princess who as I am laying in bed so sick from the little bean growing inside my belly.. I hear "Max Pucker your lips" I look over and see her smearing lip gloss on my puppy she also tried to paint his "nails" yeah that was a blast.. He would play pretty pretty princess with her on the days I could not bring myself to even move or else I would vomit.

I was nervous to bring the baby home being that he was over a pound at birth and came home at 4 and a half pounds it made me really nervous. But again "Max" would lick his toes or his hands while he was swinging and for the most part watched over him. Now that my big boy is 18mths Max is his Bff! He loves that dog. We were gone for a long weekend over the 4th and when we came home and he saw the dog he was so excited...... it was adorable. He plays with the dog all the time and giggles and giggles. It is such a cute little relationship it reminds of the movie Homeward Bound... and the boy and his dog Chance I feel like that is how Xander and Max will be

So again I have never really been a dog person but I love our "Max" and would not trade him for the world :)

I am the 27!

2010-06-21T10:30:00.000-07:00

This past Sat I turned 27 and let me tell you NO I did not lock myself in a room and cry cause I am 3 years away from being 30 BUT I don't really care for being 3 years away from 30. But the good thing is I still get carded :) for both cancer sticks AND Beer!

So even though I get made fun of NOW when I am 50 and look like its my 30th Birthday you will be jealous blog reader.

Well thats really enough about the age aspect of it LETS talk about THE PARTY... My lil Family went to see Toy Story 3 and it was awesome that was the kick off to a great day!

Shipped the kids to moms for the night and headed out to what I like to refer to as the Square!

I know that we met at House of Brews and I thought I was in an episode of Sons of Anarchy. As we were sitting at the table that looked like it came straight out of 1972 in walks a gentleman who is carrying what looked like a GUN case I started to panic because at this point I was not drunk yet and I still cared.... to my relief it was Pool Sticks. Hahaha Met a lady named "Cindy" I think and she did a shot with me and Courtney. This is kinda where it starts to get blurry...

On to the next bar which I now know is called Diamond Jim's cocktail waitress in a ref shirt who couldn't fuckin talk for SHIT had me doing shots of what I thought were called "Dirty Pee" and "Blue Motherfucker" Yep not sure how many I had there I am pretty sure I had 5 shots there 4 shots at the fist bar and 5 drinks total (I think) I do remember we had the bathroom trip to remember I fell off the toliet laughing so hard.. because I farted cause when u fart its funny no matter if you are intoxicated or not its still FUNNY and when someone else walks in the bathroom and you ask them if they are going to fart thats FUNNY too!

Finally the third bar we went to I know that Justin told me the name of this but I dont remember. I did not drink anything at this point because I almost could not walk there. It was BAD! I did dance my ass off though I think there are some videos of my dancing lets leave those off facebook okay kids :)

I am so blessed to have all my friends that came out to celebrate with me I really had a great time even at the 3am breakfast..... to the left to the left....

A quick note to add Happy Fathers Day to my dad who is the world's Greatest I could not have asked for a better father. And the my husband the one who I fall in love with all over again every time I see him with my kids.

Carnivals and Twlight

2010-06-03T14:43:00.000-07:00

So I have never been a Twilight fan really.... I tried to read the first book "Twlight" and I got about half way through it while I was on maternity leave with Xman it was Breast feeding Reading. Anyways I just felt it was a bit too Teenage Love for me.

Like I was Such a big girl now maybe I can't read this. That and the fact that I grew up going to a catholic school and if we even DARED Talk about having a Ouija board or dressed up as witches for Halloween we would be damned to hell for worshiping the dark lord... So I kinda felt like the nun Sister Rose Angela was going to come back and beat me with the ruler in my sleep or haunt me somehow if I continued on that path.

Anyways The new BF Alex and her sissys are kinda of what you call twilight addicts! I had agreed to watch the movies at least once to see if I liked them. So Tue night or " Holy Tue" (hubbs and Alex's secret lover have Firefighter training)

We watched the movie and I actually liked it but SHHHHHH!!!!!! and I am really looking forward to wathcing number 2 or the Moon one of whatever!

Today I helped with the Special Day for Special People it is where the local carnival in town opens a day early and all the special needs kids get to come and enjoy it for free. Although it was bright out and I had to assist kids on and off horses on the Carousel it was so rewarding. Seeing those kids so happy and having such a good time and feeling so blessed to be part of it all.

A good day was had by all now off to get my hair did I think I am taking the plunge and getting a short cut for the summer summer time!

Mean People

2010-05-19T14:51:00.001-07:00

I dont really understand why people are so mean sometimes.

I mean I am always trying to do nice things for people but yet I get little in return and that is okay I just dont get why people are mean because guess what karma's a bitch!

I guess it is one thing to be mean to me or say rude things but to my kids... why they did not do anything to you. It makes me so mad the way things have turned out. At the same time I am not sure if I am as mad as I am sad. It sucks it really does. But I am going to push through this I am going to be that better person and one day I will get the reward.

There are starting to be a lot of new people in my life and I like it! I like it alot. For awhile the thought of moving went through my head alot. I mean it is really just us all the time, like me the hubbs and the kids. Which is fine and I love it but then whats the point of living here.. we could live anywhere and be that.

But I think I have changed my mind. My hubbs is happy with his FD friends and stuff. I have some new people in my life that I hope to make lasting friendships with. So Cheers to the new friends in my life :) Looking forward to the weekend already and it is only Monday

American Hero

2010-05-04T14:48:00.001-07:00

This is a tribute to my husband... because it is a better place with him in it!

American Hero

You were far too young to have stormed the beaches of Normandy.... you left Vietnam to your daddy... but when it was time to choose what to do you chose the Army. Then 9-11 happened you didn't really know what to think, but you knew that it was going to be you on the front lines this time... it will be you making the ultimate sacrifice.

They shipped you out to Ft Knox where they taught you the basics... then on to the Great State of Virginia where they taught you logistics... Finally to Georgia where they told you the news... 7000 miles away is where you would land.

The plane flew Dec 5th with you on it not knowing if that would be the last time.. 10 long months of sand, a few long distance calls, and many tears you returned to us

You spent years becoming yourself again with too many sleepless nights, another order to be sent but this time leaving your baby girl.

You had once again come home alive and well... you completed your time in the United States Army, but yet it was not good enough for you. You needed to help people you needed to continue to make the ultimate sacrifice but this time it was different.

This time you wanted your children to say "my daddy helps people" You wanted to be the one that everyone looked to as a hero once again.... you became a Firefighter!

American Hero to Silent Hero we are so very proud of you!

With love the one behind the scenes

I plan on getting this written very nice and framing it with a photo my husband in his Army Dress and one in the Firefigther Dress. I am going to have it be part of his Fathers day gift.

We are soo very very proud of you!

Friends...

2010-05-03T12:38:00.000-07:00

So although I hate when the weekend is do jammed packed with things that it often does not feel like you had a weekend... I did have fun!

The past few weeks I have been confused about the way I have been feeling. I mean, I have been depressed...feeling kinda lonely like I have no one to talk to all my friends are busy with their own lives and here I am.

But then I realized why do I feel this way? I have lost almost 30 pounds, my blood pressure meds are out the window... and I have a wonderful husband and 2 of the most beautiful kids I have ever seen.... I mean what more could I ask for.

Then this weekend happened I spent 3 days with some of the most amazing people I have ever met my friends and although some of the days were spent "cleaning, babysitting, and party prepping" I did it with my friends and it did not matter.

I was very happy about the way the weekend turned out had a great time. I realized that sometimes when people get married, and have kids or in my case visa-versa things change...

The people who you once had alot of common with you really may not have so much in common with but eventually when they too become moms you all of sudden have a better friendship then you did before. I am looking forward to this weekend and even though it most likely will not be spent with friends... I will get to spend some quality time with my husband who I often do not get to see much of. Looking forward to this summer and doing a lot of "hanging around"

4-21-2010

2010-04-21T09:09:00.000-07:00

So Today the Skim Milk in my fridge expires.... not that there is any importance to that what so ever but it does

Am I really pushing everyone away? I just feel like I am so lonely I keep so much locked inside there is so much of me people don't know about... So so very much. What does all this mean? Is this what happens when you grow up?

I still have nightmares about events in my life that were not the greatest... but yet I keep it to myself Why?

That is all I want to do this summer is be gone not be home take my kids and my love and do things all the time every weekend I don't want to sit home and be lonely anymore. How do you make new friends? Its not like I have all the time in the world to join mommy groups and such I mean what do you do how do you do it?

Here is to hoping that my summer is wonderful and that I meet new people along the way :)

Sping is in the Air and soo is Peewee soccer

2010-04-14T14:11:00.000-07:00

So I promise to myself since very few people read my blog but someday people I will be popular... someday. but the promise I mad is to try and write on this more and share pics too of my oh sooo adorable kidlets.

So Princess is playing soccer this year and her first game was Saturday and she did a pretty good job. I was "that" mom... cheering and yelling and standing up when her little friends got a goal.... She had such a good time... although after about a half hour running she told the coach that she needed to be goalie cause she was tired of running so much... Oh the joys of raising a DIVA

The lil man is just as sweet as pie and eating me out of house and home. He eats everything and is always hungry Last night it was Dinner then a cookie at ballet, then half a bag of goldfish, then some cheese, then a bottle of milk and a fatty lil tummy....

So I had my weigh in and for the last 2 weeks I have stayed the same not lost no gain NOTHING. So I have been trucking along and still sticking with it and LOW AND BEHOLD I lost almost 4 pounds Total of 22 pounds now and made my second goal I am so proud of my self. I have also started the walking challenge I am trying to walk one to 2 miles 5 days a week. So far so good.

I have been thinking alot lately... about having another child. I long to have another child, no I don't want to be preggo tomorrow cause if I were my son would most likely be seeing a shrink at age 2 for separation from moms hip due to invasion of another "baby"

But here is my dilemma I am trying to loose weight I would like to loose about 60 pounds so in that case I have another 40 to go. So I loose all this weight and then maintain it for awhile hopefully and then get preggo??? I want to have another baby soo bad but at the same time I am working hard to loose the weight just to gain it all back???? I am scared that if I do this I am not going to want to have another one when it is all said and done. But at the same time I feel like I am not complete like my family is not complete

I need some input... As I feel as of late that I have no friends I mean besides my hubby and my 5 year old its weird for the first time in my life I feel like I have no one to call and talk to about important stuff or advice..... I mean I hang out with my friends (well sometimes not often enough) and its no ones fault just busy lives...

Its just that all my life I have been surrounded by friends that came over a couple times a week and we would all eat dinner together or cookout or they would stay over for the weekend. And now it is not like that anymore it is just weird to me... I often wonder if it will ever be that way again. Now that I am getting all sad and feeling lonely....

I am going to be done for today

A bad Day for the Lizard Princess

2010-03-31T14:40:00.000-07:00

AHHH today has been a day from Hell and although the Sun is shining so BRIGHT and I have somewhat made an effort to fix a friendship and the fact that it is like 77 degrees out in CHICAGO in MARCH usually it is snowing... I still have been confined to the 4 walls of my cube at least I have a window seat.

But I am alone... my coworker left over a month ago and we still have not replaced her I know they are with someone who works here we are patiently waiting.

Since I want to stab someones eyes out between yesterday and today I am going to share with you some of the things that annoy the F*** outta me.

1. When men constantly touch their man parts.... Okay they are not going anywhere, nor are they going to fall off... if you must itch them then GO IN THE BATHROOM cause I nor my kids wants to see you grab ur Junk in the middle of walmart or the middle of my living room OKAY thanks...

2. When the ATM charges u a fee to take money out of your YOUR bank account a TOTAL rip off Although we are in the 2010 era where everyone pays with Plastic 99.9 percent of the time and it pisses my dad off that I never have cash and that I pay my bills on this thing called a Computer I still at times have to get cash out to either pay people for things or get my drink on and when I have to it pisses me off having to $4 dollars to take money out of my account GRRRR

3. The little bastard that bullies my kid at school. I wanna beat the living shit out of the kid for making my baby cry and telling her that her hair looks bad when it is in a pony tail (now she will only wear her hair down) On top of the fact all the kids at preschool parents who send their kids to school the way they do UGHHH don't u get it that it reflects on you the way your 4 year old is dressed make an effort and please if your child has snot coming out of their nose that is thick GREENISH YELLOW snot keep them HOME cause I really don't want preschool germs coming home to my preemie or my baby ass hubtard he gets a cold and is dying for DAYS....

Okay that's enough for today stay tuned for more tomorrow

Ahh Its Friday......

2010-03-26T11:24:00.000-07:00

So my mind has been a racing lately with so much going on its like I need to stop for a minute to think...

I did not share this but I did start trying to loose weight I have been successful so far but have a ways to go.... I am now about 18 pounds now and I put on a pair of pants yesterday I have not been able to wear in 3 years and boy did I feel accomplished!

X-man has learned how to climb and Oh golly gee I am not excited he climbs out of the highchair, coffee table, kitchen chair, and anything else he can manage to climb on. He also enjoys lil drummies ice cream cones and hanging out with mom in the sling..... I love him soo but very whats the word Busy!

On the Princess or should I call her DIVA with a capital D-I-V-A gees so the other night we ditched ballet class cause it was so nice out and I figured we (me and the kids) would take a nice walk around a few blocks. Princess says she would like to ride her bike I agree and we are on our merry little way...

Half way down the block " mom my legs hurt " I reply deal with it it will be fine....

like 4 more house pass and she says "mom my legs just cant peddle anymore they are aching"
Me: " well you either push the bike and walk or ride it all the way home. Of course she decided to finish the ride out....

I have also been busy Kylie is in ballet and we are very close to recital time :) Then she is playing soccer as well which starts tomorrow. Then in the summer she wants to do gymnastics I think so I guess I am about to become a soccer mom after all. Bring on the minivan!! Woah wait no never mind.... Bring on the SUV is more like it

An End of an Era

2010-02-19T14:37:00.000-08:00

So today my co-worker left. The one who looked like a warrior princess is gone as of 3:15 today. I have to admit I was sad I mean I know I am still going to talk and text her and email on occasion but it is still sad.

She is the one I vented to, said good morning to, and spent 8 hours a day 5 days a week with for the last 2 years. And now I have to make a new friend... and it sucks quiet frankly. They have yet to hire someone I do better with younger people or people around my own age and that might not happen.

So enough about that I am going to make myself cry :( There is nothing really new in the homefront.... well there is my friend got engaged which is soo exciting! It is soo totally awesome I am going to get to go and maybe be in another wedding. So I really need to kick it up a notch I have a year and a half to loose this gosh forsaken baby weight. All 40 more pounds of it but I am down 12 now so that is a good thing. I think I would be satisfied if I lost 40 more although it might take me awhile I don't care it took all these years to put it on, but I am hoping by winter of next year it will be gone. We shall see! I just want to be able to want to buy clothes again and feel good about myself. I am starting to the self esteem is slowly coming back.

I am also having baby fever lately like I am jealous when I see preggo people or when I see someone holding a new baby maybe if my friends had one I would be okay to just hold it and babysit but they are not....

Tonight I get to spend with my hubby it is the first Friday in over a month he is not working his 2 jobs and gone till the morning. I cant get a sitter so a movie is out but ya know we can still try to rent a movie and pretend to be in the movies I cant have popcorn anyways

Nothing to Say

2010-02-03T11:25:00.000-08:00

I really have a lot on my mind with nothing to say? Okay that does not make sense....

So things have been going just going nothing much happening really Oh I have been having some crazy ass dreams though and they are starting to scare me. When I reached out to the internet-world via facebook and asked them about it they all said I was preggo WHICH is not possible unless I am the virgin mary or if I am like 3 days preggo.....

My sex life or lack there of.... when your hubby works 6 out of 7 days a week... and you have 2 kids and a full time job yourself well and then he is hopefully going to start school in April which means I better haul ass to a sex toy party and start to pleasure my self cause I am going to even see Mr. Pecker for a good year most likely.

In other news XMan is getting sooo big he had his one year check-up on Sat and he is almost 18 pounds it is hard to realize the kid is like 16 times his birth weight. CRAZY I know and are you ready for this drum roll please... he is almost 30 inches and is in the 50th percentile. With 2 midget parents (well not literally but we are short) I am SHOCKED maybe my son will grow to be 6 feet tall like his great grandpas and play hockey for the Black Hawks and buy his mama a beach home and and OKAY I will stop!

The Princess is doing good the big Valentines Day party is coming up and Guess he is throwing it yours truly! So I have all the goodie bag stuff and I need ideas for games and store bought goodies.... Any Ideas peeps? If anyone still reads me?

Well I am gonna close it up for today and maybe see if I can catch an afternoon nap you think my co-workers will notice?

Slippery when wet

2010-01-15T13:10:00.000-08:00

Well happy friday to everyone execpt for me. I was leaving for work this morning the babysitter said it was slick and to be careful so I walked really slow down the driveway and BAAM I fall face first on the cement.....

Cell Phone goes flying Bag is dumped I am wet now....

and then I try to get up and cant so I crawl to the car and use the handle to help me get up.

Geese..... bad day is def in store for me, work sucks I got in trouble for something else again and it is so stupid for not taking a lunch when I am here for 5 hours apprently if you go one minute over it is DEATH

Then mom calls to say they found a spot of Cancer AGAIN on Granpas head and that my great aunt is really sick in the hospital. SERIOULSY is it over yet.

On another note I have been thinking alot on the drives home from work where I have no FM radio and there is a commerical on the New Radio I am forced to listen too. About a Friend to whom we had a falling out almost 2 years ago now.

I just sometimes wish I could erase everything that happened and we could make a mends but the reality of it is I am still angry for the things she said about me, to me, to others. And I can't forgive her for that plus so it seems she is not sorry for it.
But I fear that she is a totally different person than the girl I used to know and it does not matter anymore cause the person I want to be friends with is not there.

Why now am I thinking about this all of a sudden? I have not thought about it in a long ass time? Why oh Why is she constantly on my mind. Any ideas??

Princess's Special Day

2010-01-14T14:23:00.000-08:00

So Early this month I had to go and help at Preschool with Princess.

When Mom comes we bring a snack in this case it was cupcakes to celebrate her belated birthday with the kids because they were on break or really with babysitters while there parents were out getting shit faced and ringing in the new year. So Anyways we get there and all the kids are playing very nice it was the first day back from a 2 week break so they were BOUNCING off the WALLS.

There is one little girl who is very tiny and sooo adorable she is my fav aside from my princess of course. There is also another little blond girl who if you can call kids this is a Biatch if you know what I mean but I have met the mother and the apple does not fall far from the tree. Well she picks on girl to be friends with everyday and is mean to the rest of them needless to say I want to choke her little sorry ass but I would never really do that so please do not report me.

So it was fun I had to take notes about what the kids did in class, they LOVEED the cupcakes and so did I. I needed it after over an hour with 12 pre-K kids. I am kinda glad I never went through with the teaching thing I fear if I would have I may never have had kids at all :)

So we have circle time and the teacher takes out a photo of Martian Luther King to share with the class, she asks if anyone knows who he is?

Out of a little boys mouth comes ' Um Judge Mathis the one on TV" OMG I had to walk out of the room laughing so hard!! I tell everyone I know that story it is funny as hell.... But all in all I had a good time helping the kids and Princess was so happy to share me with her friends. On the flip side I have half of them back that same week for Princess Bday Bash but they were all good

Until next time folks..... Later

Cell Phones and Tapping Shoes

2010-01-13T14:47:00.000-08:00

So we went to round to of Ballet/Tap/Jazz and Kylie got to wear her Tapping shoes as she likes to call them. She always has a good time it was soo funny when they were doing the Jazz Part and they have to shake thier butts... the funniest thing I have ever seen.

So we get home and I get everyone un packed and finally at 9pm I sit down for the first time since I left work. My princess climbs up on my lap and starts watching TV out of her mouth comes this

Princess: Mom I need a I phone so I can talk and text
Me: excusse me?
P: I said I need a cell phone
Me: your 5 get over it
P: But I REALLY need one so I can do my Web-Show (Thanks I Carley)
Me: Princess you are 5 NO WAY
P: when I am 6?
Me: No
P: when I am 7?
Me: no when you are 16 and working you can have one.
P: Just GREAT I am neve gonna do my web show!

That was that she was pissy with me the rest of the night even went to bed without me tucking her in but I did it anyways.

I am starting to re-think her watching I- Carley and True Jackson VP I mean she is getting a little ahead of herself a freakin IPHONE I dont even have one.

My little man is still in the stanger danger stage if someone looks at him wrong he FREAKS but he needs to stop crying the morning when I leave for work because I feel so bad :(

Oh the joy!

2010-01-11T13:40:00.001-08:00

So we had a bday party for the Princess on Friday and it was a blast enjoyed by all....

about half of the preschool class came along with some of my friends and thier kids and or course the family too. She was such a sweet hostess she gave all her friends a balloon to take home and she let one of them take her hello kitty candle. When the little girl asked for it Kylie said " sure I have other ones" she has turned out to be a really sweet girl....

She had 2 cakes because of the amount of people that were invited and we put candles on both her little friend "Z" was sitting next to her and she said I will blow this cake and you can blow out that one okay my friend" OMG melted my heart she is even nicer than me.... and I thought I was nice. My hubbs on the other hand would never share he just does not do that. She got a ton of loot.... and I mean a TON that is what sucks about when me and the hubbs do the baby making we try and try for one in the summer but it never happens that way instead we get a Christmas baby and a New Years Eve baby now what are the odds of that please tell me.

Anyways... so this weekend we are at Borders and my daughter tells me her legs hurt as I am thinking to myself well my arm hurts from holding your brother my legs hurt from chasing you and my head hurts from the damn kids in this store what was that again Princess?

So as I am standing there looking for a new book to read on the nights when my hubby does not want to talk for 10 hours I say to her Honey sit on the floor right next to me. The reaction I got was not what I expected at ALLL!

Princess : Mommy are you crazy this is the floor people walk on it, it is disgusting!
Me : thinking (what the fuck) um okay
My mom: (comes from around the corner) Whats the matter?
Princess: My MOTHER told me to sit on the floor and THATS DISGUSTING.

Now that all of the Borders store thinks ME THE MOTHER is disgusting I have now found a book and have to get in the line with all the book worms staring at me and the nasty bitch and her boyfriend in front of me making out. NOW that was disgusting... Oh the joys of parenthood....

I mean what do you say to that. She is right but she is a kid I mean I did not think she would care. Hell if my legs were as tired as hers were I would of sat on the floor.

Well Happy Monday Internet if I even have readers

Week from Hell

2009-12-18T14:05:00.000-08:00

It has been a week from hell.... I have been so busy with work, fighting with the bank, planning parties, getting the cards out, taking the kids for pictures....

Wed was picture day I left work at 2:30 to head home and attempt to banana curl my daughters hair. When we left it looked awesome when it was time to take the photos not so much.... The picture people was a MAD HOUSE there were twins, triplets, family of 10 all in the little area and my son wanted to crawl..... AHHHH mommy wanted to scream! We get started with the pictures and my X-man down right REFUSED to smile. We got 2 pics where he is doing a half smile kinda thing.. but thats him.

Monday my co-worker called me fat which hurt my feelings. When she started no one liked her and I reached out to make her feel welcome. I know I need to loose weight but to hear someone tell someone else that you are a fat ass kinda hurts the heart.. I mean she could stand to loose a few pounds too but I would never say that to her.

She is one of those people who don't think before she speaks. She just says whatever she thinks no matter who it hurts in the process. So I guess that is more fuel to my 2010 resolution to loose 50 pounds and hopefully start trying for a third. Although I am afraid that if I loose all the weight and get preggo to gain it all back...

Now to end my week I have a cold and I feel like I got run over by a semi truck, had to sit in a 4 hour seminar on ethics BLAHH BLAHH BLAHH I just want to go home and go to sleep. But no there is a family fued on the hubbs side so I have to see how the story ends he should be on the phone with his sister as we speak on a more possitive note next week is a short work week and so is the week after.

I have to take X-Man in for his one year check up can't wait to get his weight checked and to see how much he has grown since his 9 mth check. Princess is going to be 5 I cannot believe she is that old already where did the time go. I found a picture of her and me at her second birthday blowing out the candles and she was so little and had a little bit of hair to her shoulders with ringlets on the bottem :( I miss her littleness the other day she was talking about I-Carley and boys at school who were cute. SIGH.... she is becoming a little girl no longer a baby no longer a toddler.

I want to have one more baby, and I want it to be a girl so bad.. I want to start trying now but I need to get myself healthy first. Here is to hopes I loose the weight fast and get right back at the baby making

Oh Dear it has been Awhile...

2009-12-17T11:46:00.000-08:00

So yeah it has been awhile since I posted... mainly because my computer crashed and now I am looking for another one.. I have been busy with Turkey day, shopping, holiday parties, more shopping. Throwing parties, making goodie bags, taking pictures, mailed Christmas cards...

Yeah BUSY is not really the word for it... it is FREAKIN CRAZY

I have some updates we took X-man to the NICU evaluation in which time he was 7 months corrected. Of course we get the same physical thereapist that I hated last time, but my son was a GEM!

He crawled for them, said a few words, help his bottle, stood up, sat up, and they were very impressed. I am so happy we got the clear to come back in a year HOORAY for my Xman he is doing great and I thank God every day for my Christmas Miracle.

Although the other day my princess was singing happy birthday to her brother and showing him how he needs to blow out the candles. I started crying hysterically..... I was just so blessed with my son, that he lived, that he is perfect, that we are celebrating for the FIRST TIME a Happy Holiday all together in our cozy home with our family and even the dog.

A Chirstmas with no deployments to iraq, no hospitals, no tears of sorrow. All four of us all together Christmas Morning I CANNOT WAIT.....

What I want for Christmas is just to see my kids faces Christmas Morning... that is all I asked for.

But I am still have high hopes my Rich brother is gonna get me the UGG boots that I want! :)

I Cried.. and I Cried Some more

2009-10-15T13:02:00.000-07:00

You know I just wish this year would be FUCKING OVER already! What a mess I mean is there anything else that life is gonna throw at me.

So My son is Born on Christmas Day 3 months before he was supposed to be so basically that meant 3 month hospital stay for my son, 3 months barely seeing my daughter, missing Christmas for her, Getting out of the hospital on her birthday and barely able to keep from crying about the fact that I left my son in a place where he is all alone with no mommy and daddy with tubes coming from every where....

Then he comes home and does EXTREMLY well and now it is the start of RSV season and he is supposed to get Synagis shots to help him fight off any kind of flu, cold, RSV, swine flu! and the insurance company says that he does not need it because he he has not been in oxgen in over 6 months. So when I got the call and heard the nurse say that I cried and cried cause although I don't have a bad feeling about it he is still only 14 pounds so if he gets sick he could get really sick , I just want that piece of mind to know that he gets that shot he won't get as sick,

Now I can only hope that the 7 months my son got breast milk will help him fight off the nasty germs!

So now he is coughing as the whole house just had brochitis, I heard him cough last night and I cried and cried I dont want him to get sick I dont want him to get the sniffles or ANYTHING, I try so hard to keep him away from germs

When you are a mom you want to keep them safe and do anything to to make sure of that. And when you can't you feel helpless, but I don't know what else to do. So here is to hoping that the cough is no big deal just his teeth like before

Please God don't let him be sick!

5 Years Ago Today....

2009-10-08T10:33:00.001-07:00

I married my Best Friend Tear....

It was pouring on Oct 7th 2004 in Savannah my parents had come down and Ben's brother and his family. A few of B's military butt buddies showed up as well. We had to be married in Effingham, GA because the county we lived in did not perform marriages. We all drove to the court house me the "moose" at 7 months preggo with Kylie.

I remember B cried to whole way to the court house he said it was because he was so Happy I think it was because he was thinking "what the fuck did I get myself into" I was thinking about the steak I would be eating at our after getting married dinner.

They were very sweet there a little old lady married us we even did vows and she read out of the bible.... B continued to cry again not sure why I got a little choked up when she said u may kiss your wife! At at that moment at 5:37pm on Oct 7th 2004 I became MRS. V not to be confused with my MIL please don't get me started on that.

We have had our share of up's and down's in the last 5 years... 2 tours to Iraq, death, new house, a church wedding, a preemie, money issues.... But in the end it all worked out and here we are

We have a family of four and a dog.... We have had fights, had to seek counseling, we have gone through friends, and made new ones. We live in a subdivision well kinda, he has survived my cooking for all these years and my PMS, my crying, my stupidity. And we made it 5 years I am currently in shock I can't believe it has been that long and my baby girl my "bear" is gonna be 5 years old.

Where does the time go??? Here is 3 cheers to a happy,healthily,50 more years.

I Love you B from here to heaven and Back!

Nothing....

2009-10-01T14:19:00.001-07:00

I really got nothing to write about really, I guess I will just kinda wing it...

My baby is getting to be such a big boy now he is almost crawling FORWARD he crawls backwards and does this back scoot thing, and rolls around but we are waiting for him to crawl forward.

Halloween is coming up and I am excited two kids to dress up this year and one I still get to choose what they be. Xander will be a Bat soo cute! And Kylie I really want her to be a cupcake but she has other ideas she wants to be a Disney Princess.... wonder which one she will be??? Most likely Airel because she is sooo cool with her red flowing hair and her cool fish friend flounder.

So on to another topix the hubtard is a volunteer fireman for the town in which we reside. They got a new chief over the weekend and well now that are looking to start a ladies auxiliary and guess who got nominated to be a part of it.... ME I guess I have SUCKER written all over my face cause I got sucked in. Although there are going to be a few of the steford wives that are going to be difficult to deal with:

We have Wife A comes into the firehouse introduces herself as "Smiths" wife not her name just "smiths" wife okay HELLO I know I am "Ben's: wife but I have a fuckin name. So I say the following " oh I am not sure who that is, did he just start with us? Her response "UM Yah Ugh" Okay not talking to MRS stuck up for the rest of the evening.

Wife B comes we shall call her LOUD MOUTH> During the whole meeting she was that annoying kid in high school that blurted out shit while the teacher would talk. For everything the Chief said she had to comment I wanted to Bitch slap her across the face. on top of the fact that she thinks she is GREAT and yeah um ur not shut up!

Wife C we shall call her "broken" as she had a broken something or other which required her to wear this boot cast thing. Before the meeting started she had to tell EVERYONE about it. Who cares lady we all know that there is something wrong we don't need the fucking doctors report given too us in detail. Then of course she raises her hand and starts saying she did this before and blah blah blah at that point I turned her out.

Wife D she did not attend the meeting but she is a TRASH BALL! Gross her and her husband come and looking like they have not had a shower in 3 weeks. They must shop in the garbage for their clothes or they don't wash him. She has Double D boobs and does not wear a BRA can you say EWWW and this bitch is going to be baking cookies for a bake SALE well I ain't eating them.

Well that is about all I got.... I will update once we have our first official meeting at the FD Ladies Auxiliary

Pacifiers

2009-09-23T10:17:00.000-07:00

So I know it has been a long time since I have posted and honestly I don't know what the fuck is wrong with me, I just have had a blank mind really....

So my son X-Man used to LOVE his binky he took it all the time in the NICU, when he came home it was either the TIT or The MAM binky you know the ones that look like a butterfly?

But then one day I think he got smart, now this was post TITTY feeding. He sucked on it and took it from his mouth and looked at it looked at me and had this "what the hell is wrong with you bitch nothing comes out of this" And that was the end of the story about Xander and the pacifier, now he is a THUMB sucker and has a blankey total opposite of the princess who was obsessed with her sippy and paci, which she called a meme.

I just find it completely amazing that two kids can be so different. Kylie we could take to the store or to a resturant and she would just sit there and loook at all the people very calm. Then we had Xander the Preemie who was born a mere 1lb 14oz he has a temper, he NEVER stops unless he is sleeping even when he is eating he has to know what is going on at all times. Again he has a temper does not like to be confined whether in the carseat, stroller, being held. He just wants to be either jumping his little heart out or on the floor scotting backwards and rolling around. I can't take him to a resturant unless he is sleeping because last time while we were ordering and I had my back to him he slipped out of the straps and was sliding down the car seat almost on the floor.

He would not sit I had to walk the resturant so he could be nosey and "babble" to all the people. It was not fun for mommy and of course daddy just continued to order more of his all you can eat crab legs... GRRRRR

So thats about it I will try and make it a point to post every day although there are not many readers. YET.....

I wanted to stab my eyes out

2009-08-20T14:07:00.000-07:00

You know there are a lot of benefits to being a young mom, you are young and not tired all the time. You can still be a kid and run around with your kids and act a fool. You still can giggle like a school girl when you have a quickie in the bathroom with your daughter yelling what are you doing in there mommy? Is daddy watching you poop? hahahahahaha!

But there are down falls and I did not realize it until Ky started dance class and then started preschool last year.

You see a lot of the parents are in their late 30's early 40's and I of course am not I am a mere 26 got knocked up at 20 and again at 25.

We started the Mommy and me Class called Dancing Gym Bears, it was 30 minutes of tumbling and 30 minutes of ballet with mommy's assistance. Thank the lord for my one friend who decided to get knocked up three months after me and just so happened to have a girl, quite frankly Tracy I wanna go all I LOVE U MAN on you, with tears in my eyes because I am so happy we are bff and so are our girls.

I noticed most of the parents were stuck up, most had more money than me of course and lived in huge 4000 square foot houses and only shopped for their daughter clothes at little boutiques! Now don't get me wrong I like boutique's but Walmart and Target are also just fine, and I am all about FREE hand me downs. I know that I am secretly a GYMBUCKS junkie I love gymboree and Ky has most of the outfits that the Gosslin's have of course I paid and they got them for free, okay now that I have gone off on another tangent.

Anyways, most of the parents I think look down on me, well that is how I felt anyways. The only person that would talk to me besides the teacher and my own kid is my friend Tracy. After the last two years of it I have gotten used to it. I tried to volunteer more and be more talkative. It has gotten better over the last year, and then came Preschool where because my friend lives like in another region of the state LOL I have no one. I was all alone in the mommy world and GOD FORBID the fact that I am a working mom.

They ignored me the whole year, none of the mom's ever talked to me, occasionally I would get a hello but that was it. I was although the topic of coversation when my son was born 3 mths premature. I would get the sad puppy dog eyes. "Oh I hope it all works out for you and is it your boyfried" No my husband FUCKER and I bet he get harder faster than yours and does NOT have to use viagra.

The last occasion was a ice cream social which I dreaded because #1 hubby could not come to keep me gossiping and #2 I had to take the little man. So I sent Ky off to play with the other kids while I watched and I fed the baby.

I am then approached by another mom and the conversation goes something like this.

Other Mom: Congrats I heard you are preggo and having a girl

Me: Thinking what the FUCK : Says: Um no I am not preggo I have a 7th month old.

Other Mom: oh well Ky told me and the other mom's that you were having another baby and it was a sister.

Me: well I am sorry but I am not I give a little fake laugh as she walks away and whispers to the other moms.

Now I know I am overweight but I don't look preggo and I am NOT for sure. Leave it to my daughter it is not like it is bad enough how I feel when I go to these things and sit there having a conversation with my 7mth old now my kid is starting the rumors. Lord Help Me!

I am moving out

2009-08-20T08:41:00.000-07:00

So the other day my husband says to me.. You know I think I am going to move out once Ky hits the teenage years. I started to laugh and asked him why. He said that she is almost 5 and acts like she is 12 now what the hell is it gonna be like when she is 13 and acts 25 I am gonna go nuts.

He thinks he is freakin mr knows everything about everything sometimes I swear to God! Maybe it is all men though. Yesterday we had the argument about reading. We will go to the book store and he will buy usually a book sometimes two. I will do the same. I will usually complete the entire book in about a week sometimes less depending on what kind of time I have. He will finish half in like 2 months then not read it for like 5 months and go back to it and have to re-read it from the beginning.

So I asked him because we have very different taste in books.

I do read a variety of books... Some authors include Nicholas Sparks, Sue Grafton, James Patterson, Johnathan Kellerman, I also read some non-fiction Stephanie Wilder-Taylor, Tori Spelling's books, Jenny Mcarthy

He on the other had is reading currently the history of God and although I was born and raised Catholic I had all of that shoved down my throat with all the years I went to private school I really don't think there is anything else for me to know about. Nor do I really have an interest in any other kinds of God's and what other religions believe in. And don't get me wrong there is nothing wrong with that it is just not me that's all.

He also is reading a classic book Paradise Lost. First of all I can't understand it I read one page and was like I don't get it. It is written kind of like a Shakespeare book which I listened to on tape in high school to pass English class... The book from my understanding is about a man who gets kicked out of heaven, it has a lot of big words which are not really my thing.

My husband says to me this is a classic how could you not like it. I said well I did not care for Huck Finn or Macbeth. I do although like some classics Of Mice and Men, Night, Diary of Ann Frank.

He responds with well those are chick books. He started saying that way back when the books that were written were for men only... okay whatever he thinks I read mindless tails of stories that would never happen. I told him to leave me alone that as I was reading my book and that it did not matter what I read it is better than watching FUCKIN Sponge Bob for the 9,125,236 time this week.

Now he thinks Xander needs baby Einstein for brain stimulation. Okay great cause you have raised 5 other kids and know exactly what you are talking about. I then kindly reminded him this is really his first experience with the Whole First Year thing as he was deployed until Ky was 15 months.

Birth Control

2009-08-18T09:43:00.000-07:00

I moved to GA in April of 2004 my and the hubby were living together and because for the last 2 or so years are visits were few and far between we fucked like rabbits.

Needless to say I was on the BC pill and was also taking some meds for being sick NOT A GOOD IDEA

I was preggo within the first week of being down there. I basically felt different a different I could not put my finger or it was almost like I was in someone elses body. I was throwing up everything I ate and had quit smoking cause everytime I would inhale I would gag.

Stupid stupid me thought it was God's way of telling me I needed to quit, boy was I wrong in so many ways. So what is the one thing you do when you don't know what to do? Call your mom

I called mom she said it sounds like a pregnancy and to go and take a test. So because I thought it was going to be negative I figured I would not tell anyone I was taking the test.

I went into the bathroom and before the piss even hit the stick there were 2 pink lines. I started to cry not because I was preggo because I knew Ben would be deploying and would miss a lot, I was scared wondering if I should give the baby up for fear I would not be a good mother. Within minutes I talked myself out of that walked out of the bathroom and told the B-man

He laughed, he laughed and laughed some more. He said that the test was prolly wrong and he laughed. I never understood why he laughed but he sure didn't the next day at the doctor when the nurse said well did you get a positive test I said yes he said well sometimes those are wrong right.

And she laughed and laughed, I then came out with the offical Welcome to Motherhood packet and a due date of Jan 15th.

Ready or Not here she comes....

Part 2

2009-08-17T11:56:00.000-07:00

So we talked every day sometimes more than once. I decided to make a road trip down south I just had to see him one last time.

I started to think about what I was going to do or say. If we even wanted to try and have a long distance relationship while he was away.

We talked that I would make the trip as it was a 5 hour drive I took 2 friends. I figured they could hang out at what happened to be the most boring town in the universe! And then B and I could hang out.

So off we went on the 245 mile road trip to the little town where he is from. We got about 30 minutes outside the town and I started to get nervous butterflies flying around in my tummy so bad.... I asked my friend to pull over and I started to vomit all over the place. I could not believe this was happening. I am such a dummy I am sick to my stomach over a guy, is this a good thing or is this a bad thing?

We had the most amazing weekend I cried so hard when he had to leave because I knew that it would be a long time before I saw him again.

After many long nights of phone chats we agreed that we really liked each other and were falling for each other. We officially started dating with the promise that if there was ever someone else we would be honest and end the relationship for fear of tears and broken hearts.

He leaves for boot camp at Ft. Knox, KY

We made it through 2 deployments to Iraq, 3 years living miles and miles apart, so many tears, so many nights alone.

We made it and now in Oct we will be married for 5 years with two children, a dog, and a fence it may not be white but we have a fence

I love my husband and although our lives are crazy and it seems at times we don't have time for each other I will always love him from here to heaven and back.

Its a Love Story...

2009-08-17T11:41:00.000-07:00

So I have so many stories I love telling stories. Some are funny and some are sad...

So As you know I was a military girlfriend first and then a wife....

We met in Oct of 2000 on a blind date I worked with his sister at my first "real job" and she insisted that we meet for months I finally gave in and met him out for pizza. He did not say a word to me but hello, he laughed at my jokes and that was it.

I remember going home and thinking well if it is meant to be it will be I am not going to stalk him although he was hot and I wanted too.

The following Monday I get an email from him we started emailing, then it came to talking, then the next thing I knew I was going to see him.

We knew that he was going off to boot camp in January but I wanted to spend as much time with him as I could.

In Nov he came up to visit his sister before their trip to Mexico. I spent 4 of the most amazing days with him, they left at 2am in the morning and I left him at 1:45... I remember wishing that we would see each other one more time before he left to go back down south. He came back from vacation with GIFTS I remember thinking wow gifts already

We met in the city and had a romantic evening of dinner, drinks, and a stroll. Even though the gifts were small they meant so much to me.

He bought me a paperweight, a purple fish- He said because purple was my fav color

He bought me a bottle with sand- he said because the whole time he sat on the beach that is all he could think about was me.

He is so romantic... I thought while thinking in the back of my head.

"Why am I doing this to myself he is leaving for the Army and is enlisted for 4 fucking years...

I cried the entire train ride home I was falling for him and really fast... I cried till I was asleep so deep in dreaming about him that I missed the fuckin stop. I had to call my mom and ask the train people if they would be so kind as to turn around and then did...

Stay tuned for more of the story

Cops

2009-08-17T07:37:00.000-07:00

So my hubby watches cops alot on TV when he comes home from work. My daughter apparently has been watching it with him.

I have now banned her from watching cops... The other day she was laying on my bed with her hands behind her back so I ask "Ky what are you trying to hide"?

Ky" I am not hiding anything I am getting arrested for battery"

Me " WHAT?"

Ky " Yeah like on cops"

me "Um lets not do that okay"

So this past weekend we went to an amusement park and on the way home we get pulled over... my moms bf was driving.

Ky "whats going on with that cop behind us"

Hubbs "well we are getting pulled over"

Ky "oh and jerry is going to jail"

Me " No"

Ky " Well you see he is gonna have to get out of the car and put his hand on the hood of the car and they the cop is gonna say put your hands behind your back and he is going to jail"

It took about 10 minutes to get her to understand that he was not going to jail and he was just speeding.

I have already warned the hubby if she watches cops anymore no sex for a week!

When I was a Nanny

2009-08-17T07:26:00.000-07:00

Well I am not sure if you would call it a nanny, but I watched kids all the time in my early jr-high highschool years.

It was a family of four the oldest at the time was 10 and the youngest an infant. The two in the middle were 4 and 5, 2 girls and 2 boys.....

The youngest baby girl I watched her from the day she came home until I moved away and she was about 4 at the time. I loved her too pieces and she loved me just as much. If I was around she would not go to anyone else but me.

I remember her first birthday party she would not leave me at all I had to sit her on my lap and do her smash cake, no one could hold her. She was the cutest thing ever, I loved her and her brothers and sister so much.

I went to on vacations with them, Disney, Wisconsin, the city... I had such fun there were so many times where I wanted to pull my hair out...

One year when dad had to work and mom wanted to go shopping the day after thanksgiviing. I watched no only the 4 I usually had but some other family members kids. It was a zooo I had about 8 kids all under one roof in the winter with no where to go, I had started at 6am.. and by 7pm when they still were not home I locked me and the 2 babies in the bathroom I could not take it any more LOL I put the babies in the tub to play, I needed a break.

I have so many memories with them, I would take the girls and we would have sleepovers at my house. I remember one sleep over after I had my daughter but she was only 3 mths after we put her to bed, we were sliding down the stairs on tupperware lids we had a blast. Or I would let the girls stay up late we would do are hair and nails..

I don't really see them anymore as they are all grown up now. Old enough to watch my lil ones, I ran into the mom and the 2 youngest girls one is 14 and the baby is 10. I cried I am not gonna lie I can't believe that time goes by so fast and that they are all grown up. One on her way to highschool, very pretty popular with all the boys.. I don't want my kids to grow up I wish they would stay little forever....

Complaints...

2009-08-12T09:08:00.000-07:00

I know these last posts are sad and that is not like me but that is how I have been feeling...

I just feel like in my short life I have been through so much already, and I know I should not complain cause I am blessed with a lot of things in my life, but I am gonna complain and if you don't want to read it then don't!

I have lost so many loved ones it is still hard when I think about it. Most people don't have to go through these things until they are older and they understand but it all started when I was ten.

Deaths, deployments, preemie, cancer.... and I am still only 26

In this past year Ben has lost 3 friends. One in a helicopter crash, one to brain cancer, one who took his own life.

So my question is if were sick and your family knew you were sick and then you found out that it was worse...

Or there was more, you were told that your days were numbered?

Would you tell your family?

or

Would you keep it to yourself?

I would tell my family after many conversations with my hubby we both agreed we would never keep anything like that from each other EVER.

Rough Week

2009-08-12T08:47:00.000-07:00

It's Hump day and this week has been rough. I still have not figured out why bad things always happen to great people.... I don't understand and I often wonder how they can basically create another human being in a pietry dish but we still can't cure cancer. I have walked in the Relay for Life I have given donations to find a cure and for research and still nothing.

I wish there was something in times like this when you have to see someone and know these may be the last words you say to them? Is that kiss going to be the last one you feel touch your lips? When you see the look on your mothers face as she hears the words "it is all over now the cancer has spread to the brain" this is her best friend the person she calls every day... the person she goes to when she needs to make sure the decision is right. The person who raised her kids when she was working. Who hugged her when she needed one, laughed, cried, got in trouble.

They have enjoyed grand kids together and picnics at the beach.... It is hard for me too this person is someone who I grew up with... I spent my entire youth with her and her kids even in high school I would go over there and play cards and just talk to her.

I need to be strong (for her kids) my other brothers and sisters. Going through this makes me realize that sometimes in your life "your friends" are closer than some of your family. I need to be strong for mom as this is going to be like losing a sister.

But sometimes I feel weak, when my mom sobs and sobs it is so hard to see her so sad. My mom is a very happy person even if she is having a bad day she still can put a smile on and be happy. But now she is sad, she did spent the night at the hospital last night with her friend. It was just the two of them my mom called this morning and you could hear how happy she was that if that was the last night she remembered my mom that would be okay.

She has 3 massive tumors in her brain she has come out of the coma but it will be a day to day thing now. The months to come are going to be hard, as we celebrate her life and the last days we have with her it is still gonna be hard. My life is not going to be the same without her she is like my other mom.

I don't want to do this.....

Me a Mom of a preemie

2009-07-24T14:14:00.000-07:00

About 4 years ago while I was working with mom at the dr's office.... there was this patient she and her husband would come in once a month for thier visits and were always very delightful and fun to talk too. We would often talk about the weather or what was for dinner that night. My mom would do most of the talking but I would always listen and laugh at what was funny.

On one of their visits they seemed very down, not themselves at all. Very quiet barely saying hello, my mom started the conversation and the woman nearly started to cry. My mom asked what was wrong and she said that her gran daughter had been born extremely premature and that she was only a pound and that she was stable but that they did not know what was to come for their son and daughter and law, and especially the tiny miracle.

She said that there was a website if we wanted to look at to see how little she really was. In the months to come she would come in a always talk about the tiny miracle. I remember the one night going home to checking out the website I started to cry right away because at that time I had a healthy princess of my own and ached for what her parents were going through. I remember telling my mom that I could never do that.... Well I did...

Here I was a mom of a preemie. When I got in the recovery room after the c-section my whole family was in there almost 30 people standing in front of me on Christmas night.... saying that the baby was so cute and he looked like my hubbs, when my brother showed me the picture he just looked like a regular baby with some tubes in him. I mean he had a lot of hair he has all his fingers and toes... he was my little Christmas present. I mean I had my daughter on new years eve and Xander was supposed to be born on St Patty's day. but Christmas it was for him. I had some issues and was on meds that prevented me from going into the NICU

I did not see the baby till 2 days after I had him. The hubbs would spend hours in the NICU every day while I was recovering in the hospital but I still had not seen my baby and I wanted so badly to see him.

When I was wheeled in there I remember the big heavy doors all the monitors, and nurses buzzing all around babies everywhere, the way the parents looked... and then I saw him and I lost it. He was so tiny how was he ever going to make it... I was so mad at myself and my body for failing my son that I so longed for.... we had tried so hard I had gone through so much just to get preggo and now I fail him. I still struggle with that every day that I could not carry him to term.

Why?? Why him? Why Us? Why did my body fail him? Why couldn't I hold him in until 34 weeks. Why is this happening. I still don' t any answers I know that I had a very severe case of Pre-Clampsia and something with my liver, but why me at 25 years old with one healthy pregnancy.... I still have no answers and really don't know where to turn. I struggle with the fact that the plan was 3 but do I risk again? I wish I knew who to talk to or where to go.

Blahh for today.

Walmart sucks ass today

2009-07-16T14:05:00.000-07:00

The title is because that is what I am thinking at this very moment. I ordered something and did site to store cause the shipping was like $20 and since I am trying to be an XTREME buget-ter. I decided to do it this way cause it was FREE...

I have been trying to get a LIVE person on the phone all day I started my journey at fucking 10am and now it is almost 430 and I have still not talked to a person.... I have also hung up and called back oh about 8 times.

So... on another note my kids are going to be the death of me... I swear to GOD it is like I just want to come home and sit down and get hugs and kisses and not come home and this is what happens..

Hubtard nearly throws me the baby Kylie is tugging on my leg asking me for the 15 time since I came home what we are doing today and who is coming over. Or she is yelling at me to do something while I am yelling back at her not to yell at me.

Beach... warm sand...fruity acholic beverage... water....sun... where have you been all my life? WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU RIGHT NOW>

I need a break, I have been going non-stop since June 1 and I need a BREAK I need a few hours even a fuckin minute to stop and smell the outside summer air. This Sunday we are having the baby's baptism at our house cause thanks to my aunt who offered for me to have it at her house with her big ass yard and in-ground pool. Oh yeah she bailed on me. Now I have to have it at my lil ass house out side, bought a tent, ordered food, get tables and chairs, hope it does not rain. BLAHHH this stress me out

Besides the fact I am leaving work early to take a half day to clean my mother loving house, set stuff up get outfits for the family and make some food.... then Sat we are at parties all god damn day. I am stressed

On and did I tell you I am stressed out... cause I took 2 preggo tests last night and both of them did not have a reading.

DID YOU KNOW I AM STRESSED>

Lip Gloss....

2009-07-15T12:28:00.000-07:00

With all the recent events of today and the mis-haps I have been having with our sexual encounters for example.... My birthday sex?? No protection at all we kinda forgot... Condom came off.... and a number of other ones, I mean I don't really want to be pregnant right now my baby is only 7 months for GOD SAKE! But there are so many people out there wanting children and can't.... I should not even mention anything. But if I am I am so be it we will manage.

We may have to purchase a mini-van and another car seat I may even get to live the american dream and be a stay at home mom, don't know how but... like the hubby says we will manage. So tonight is the moment of truth I guess... The only thing that makes me think that I am oh so totally not is that i am not sick AT ALL I mean not an ounce of sick (puking sick that is) threw up the entire time with both kids. But I have not had aunt flow since I stopped nursing almost 3 months ago, but I have always been irregular. I don't know. I am not going to tell ANYONE even if I am except for the people who read this blog will know.

But anyways in my thinking about the fact that I "may" be preggo again I started thinking about when I was first preggo with Xander it was end of summer last year and I was EXTREMELY ILL laying in my bed could not even keep water down. My daughter and dog (maxi-pad) are playing on the floor next to me. All of a sudden I hear a lil voice say this...

Ky to the dog " Max pucker your lips like this"
Ky: No Max like this.
Ky: Max okay you ready

I open my eyes to see my 3 year old putting lip gloss on the dog who already is wearing the pretty pretty princess necklace.

I asked her what she is doing and she proceeds to tell me that "Max really wanted to be a princess today" I kindly explained to her that dog's are not princesses and they can't wear lip gloss.... Oh how I love kids

So there is nothing else new I am just nervous about going home and taking the test..... bitting nails nervously

Oh The Joy..

2009-07-14T10:57:00.000-07:00

Just wanted to let everyone know that my crazy lunitic of a Mother in Law made it though her surgery...

Keep in mind this

1. the is CRAZY and I mean CRAZY
2. she had a kindney stone removed it was out patient

So my husband in his attempt to make his mother like him at this point cause for her to love him it is just not in the cards... So he calls her sat to tell her good luck and that he would call on Monday when she got home. She proceeds to ask him what he wants her to leave him in the will. He was taken back and said what are you talking about.

Sidenote... 3-17-04 MIL undergo's major brain surgery and is given a 40% chance of living. She LIVED

She made a living will and power of attny in which she said was required by the hospital. Okay if that was the case then I would for sure had to do that for my outpatient thing last may and for sure for the C-Section I had on X-mas.

So needless to say as we all thought she made it. I texted my SIL the one I acutally like and she was a bitch to me so I just figured let Ben call I give up.

On a lighter note My daughter informed me the other day that I am a bad mom. And so it goes like this we went to Wal-Mart the kids and I with my friend he has twins the whole event was interesting. Xander actually sat in the car seat until the check out you know where i have to take $124 worth of shit on the conveyer. He starts SCREAMING to be held so with one hand holding him I had one had to put the shit up there and the SLOWEST woman on the planet ringing us out.

So you can imagine putting all of that plus 2 kids in the car. I finally 20 minutes later get everything together take a drink of my pop and start for home. Half way down the road I hear this

"Your a Bad Mom"
Me "What did you say"
" I said your a bad mom you forgot to buckle me in"
Me: I am sorry I will pull over in a minute.
Ky: Well you were not paying attn and you forgot and that is very dangerous.

My daughter oh how I love her so proceeds to tell 20 people before the end of the day what I had done.

Lord give me the strength to raise daughters.....

Too Much M.J For Mommy

2009-07-06T11:54:00.000-07:00

Okay So... I have not really decided if I think that MJ (Michael Jacko) was a perv or not.. Whatever God forgives RIP whatever else there is to say and what not... But I think the TV coverage needs to STOP

Last Night while watching my fav show Army Wives.... yes I am hooked, I was playing "babies" with my 4 year old. She would buckle the baby in the car seat and then pretend she was leaving and I would say goodbye and she would do it all over again. Well besides that fact she spent the entire day Signing beat it... beat it... just beat it...

All of a sudden she puts on a freakin pick snow mitten she found lord knows where and puts it on her hand she repeats to put the baby in the car seat with the glove still on her hand so I continue watching her and I ask her KyKy what are you doing with that glove on your hand to my surprise her reply is " I am just being like Michael Jackson" at that very moment I nearly pissed myself I could not believe it.... Coming from a child who grew up watching the famous explorer DORA for the first 3 years of her life, and made her parents go broke cause everyone time we would to walmart she would beg for the "newest Dvd" Soo back to my story I mean she grew up singing all the Dora Songs from Turn the Wheel Isa... to I wanna be a big sister.... and she did at times listen to her mommys music she would dance to rap all the time, and feel asleep to Ozzy thanks to my hubbs....BUT never knew Michael or the jackson five or Motown.. but odly she pays too much attention to the damn TV and is rocking the Glove out right now..

She is too much for me sometimes, so now that I feel that this post is all about my baby girl.. I will touch on Xander he is doing sooo great.... There does not appear to be any long term issues he is doing everything at his Corrected age of 3 months... he is though eating solids now and I discovered that they have Mango Flavored baby food now but only at Walmart But I mean it must be better than Pears or Applesauce... right.. but he is still a momma's boy which I LOVE well I guess I better go.... Later peeps

Thoughts Thoughts and more Thoughts

2009-06-11T13:02:00.000-07:00

Sooo I have a taste for waffles and I texted my hubbs and kindly advised that is what we are having dinner waffles this will be a first as I have not had breakfast for dinner in like 10 years which was 3 years before I met the hubby and 6 years before I had KyKy.

So Anyways on to another subject so there is this friend and I her an I had a falling out about a year ago... lets call her chocolate well she said some really really mean things. Now if she would have said them about just me fine I can handle that but please do not bring up my family... they did nothing to you to deserve to be talked about. Plus there were things that were brought up in the conversation that I entrusted in her not to tell anyone about.

Well anyways it has now been over a year since we have not been friends. We decided that very day on the phone that it was over we would not longer be friends. We do see each other on occasion as we have other friends in common, and we are civil we usually say hi and asks how the others kids are but nothing more than that.

For a long time I was mad and then it turned into being sad. Certain things I would find would remind me of her and how much she was there for me when times were tough. Or I would remember just our long conversations on the phone we had about different things. But then I would think about the fact that when she had her baby she changed and the person that I so deeply missed was no longer there... and then I would stop thinking about it.

So it has been awile now like I said over a year and she wants to talk to me about what I am not sure but she wants to talk. The Hubbs thinks I should say no and leave it at that, But if you know me u know that I am not that kind of person I am very forgiving therefore I am thinking I am going to do it.

I am not saying that being we are gonna talk means everything will go away and things will be just as they were because I know they won't and they may never but hey they say when you loose a friend you die a little inside and I think that is totally true. So I guess we will see....

Out of the Mouths of Babes

2009-06-10T14:57:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I hate family I mean seriously they make me freakin crazy.

Here is what the deal is as of late....

After all we went through with Xander basically my husbands entire family will not be attending his baptism.. PISSED off...

I also wanted to share that Xander is getting 2 top teeth and that we will be purchasing his Bumbo chair this weekend cause he loves to sit up. He also ROLLED OVER last i am so proud of my little fighter.

I decided I will vent about the family in a different post as of now I wanted to share with you my coversation with my 4 year old the other day. For those of you who do now know that my husband shaves his head therefore he has no hair on his head at all

Kyky: Mommy do you like having hair?
Me: Yeah Ky I do
KyKy: I like having hair too Mommy, why doesn't daddy like having hair
Me: well it is not that he does not like having hair it is just that he does not have any
Kyky: well he should call a doctor and get himself some

I about fell to the ground and laughed hysterically...... I just love having a 4 year old that always has something interesting to say

Well that is all for now folks.

First Entry

2009-06-05T10:30:00.001-07:00

So this is offically my first entry.... I mainly want to do this for me, I also want to meet some other parents of preemies who can help me along the journey of raising a preemie. Plus my 4 year old is funny and I always like to share the crazy things she says so I guess I want to share a little about me first.

I am married to b-man for 5 years this Oct.
I had the princess 12-31-04 she was my oops baby but we love her to pieces.
We then had trouble TTC and turned to fertility pills which brings us to the next chapter of our lives the one we are reading right now.

I got pregnant with my son the end of June 2008 the whole pregnancy the only thing that was wrong was me being sick (morning sickness X 10000) On December 13th I went to the OB appointment and everything was fine. On December 20th I was taken to the ER for high blood pressure oh taken by my hubby who is an EMT/Fireman it was a scarey 180/120 I spent the next 5 hours trying to get it to come down to be transfered to another hospital that had a NICU because they said I had severe pre-clampsia and was going to need to deliver early. I was able to get 2 shots of steriods before Xander decided he want to srop his heart rate on Christmas Evening while my husband went to take my daughter home I was rushed into Emergency C-Section in which my baby had no heart beat that they could detect, and no one was there. I was so scared and it is something that I will never forget. My baby was born weighing in at 1 pound 14ounces 10 inches long and could fit in my husbands hand.

We spent the next 10 weeks in Rush NICU where we cared for my tiny miracle. We are blessed to say that although there were a few bumps in the road he is a healthy 5 month old Corrected at 2 months and weighs over 9 pounds now.